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Woman "de-transitions" back to female after living as transgender man for 15 years

Emma Guinness

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| Last updated 

Woman "de-transitions" back to female after living as transgender man for 15 years

Featured Image Credit: SWNS

A woman has opened up about her decision to de-transition back to life as a female after identifying as a transgender man for 15 years.

Cat Cattinson, 30, began to identify as male when she was just 13 years old, and after years of suffering from gender dysphoria, she decided to transition in March 2020.

This involved changing her name to Tony and taking testosterone to begin a medical transition into a man, which saw her voice drop.

However, because she is a singer, she feared she'd lose her high voice for good when this started to happen.

Cat is finally happy with her gender identity. Credit: SWNS
Cat is finally happy with her gender identity. Credit: SWNS

While she did want top surgery at one point, which is the removal of breast tissue, she found herself feeling sick and having heart palpitations from the testosterone she was already taking.

That's why she ultimately decided to go back to living as a woman.

Cat, who is a Californian student and musician, said: "I always dressed in my dad's clothes as a kid. I was a tomboy.

"I felt unsafe as a woman because of trauma as a child and I think this made me feel like I didn't belong in this body.

"I first realised it was possible to change your body when I was 13 and from then I was convinced I wanted to transition to become male.

Cat said she transitioned because of childhood trauma. Credit: SWNS
Cat said she transitioned because of childhood trauma. Credit: SWNS

"But when I finally transitioned and actually lived as a man it didn't feel right. At first I was happier about my raspy voice, but I started to get pain and nausea.

"Now I'm happy back in my female body."

Cat explained that she initially decided to transition after finding forums that discussed transgender issues.

"When I was a teen, I found forums talking about how it was possible to change sex," she said.

"I felt then that I wanted to be a boy."

She explained that her parents initially weren't supportive of her desire to transition and she was bullied at school too, which prompted her to put it off even longer.

Despite identifying as male, Cat said she was a closeted trans man. Credit: SWNS
Despite identifying as male, Cat said she was a closeted trans man. Credit: SWNS

"I became a bit of closet trans man," she said.

When she finally made the decision to transition, she said she was 'surprised' at how easy it was.

"It was so easy to get testosterone - they didn't require any tests or therapy. But suddenly my voice dropped loads and I sounded like I'd been smoking all my life. I didn't recognise myself anymore.

"I'd been a singer all my life and I worried about what it would mean if I kept going."

Cat said that she didn't just get heart palpitations from testosterone, it actually left her 'feeling sick all the time' and made singing painful.

She revealed that she was only on testosterone for four months, but it still took a year for her to fully de-transition.

It took a year for Cat to fully de-transition. Credit SWNS
It took a year for Cat to fully de-transition. Credit SWNS

"I was bed-ridden because it was a big comedown from taking the testosterone every day," she said.

"But now I'm happier with myself and my body and I've realised a lot of my feelings of wanting to be a boy stemmed from that trauma as a child.

"My parents are now supportive and I know their reactions stemmed from worry for me."

While she acknowledges that her voice is no longer quite the same after taking testosterone, she is hoping that it won't affect her singing career in the long run.

"I've had to re-learn how to sing and my voice is still different, but I still have a love for music."

If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence contact Mindline Trans+ on 0300 330 5468. The line is open 8pm–midnight Mondays and Fridays and is run by trans volunteers 

Topics: Real Life

Emma Guinness
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