‘Submarining’ is being called the worst dating trend to be a victim of
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating trends
Ben Thompson
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating trends
In the world of online dating, it seems like we're coming up with all sorts of labels for various red flag behaviours.
There's a whole host of unpleasant dating trends out there, from the likes of 'breadcrumbing' to the dreaded 'J name theory' - and more and more seem to be surfacing
And of course, everybody also knows about being 'ghosted' - aka having your messages go unanswered and being left in limbo by a potential romantic partner.
Advert
It's brutal, to say the least.
But not as many people will have heard of 'submarining' - the latest dating trend to take the internet by storm... for all the wrong reasons.
Submarining is when somebody you're speaking to disappears without a trace, then resurfaces and pops back into your DMs like nothing has happened, without so much of an excuse or reason.
Obviously, the name is a nod to the fact that submarines disappear under the water and then re-emerge.
Cutesy names aside, why is this happening to singletons?
Jonathan Bennett, Dating/Relationship Coach and Owner of The Popular Man, told Bustle: "I’d guess that, in most cases, they were dating or spending time with someone else and that fell through.
"Since they don’t want to admit the truth, whatever that is, they resort to submarining instead — and hope you fall for it."
Submarining has been likened to 'Zombieing', in which a person disappears during the talking stage, before 'coming back from the dead' months later with a weak alibi for their absence.
What sets 'submarining' apart is the fact that no such excuse is given.
This is no doubt causing a headache - and heartache - for many daters navigating apps. But why do people do it in the first place?
Bennett continued: "Submarining behaviour appears to be driven by entitlement and narcissism.
"People who submarine you assume that they can just instantly jump back in your life as if nothing happened and without any consequences.
"It’s ultimately insulting because it implies that you have no other options and should be grateful to hear from them.
"If he or she stopped talking to you, then wants to reconnect as if nothing happened, it says a lot about that person’s lack of character and lack of respect for you."
It certainly shows a lack of consideration and honesty, but above all else, it shows that the person doesn't value your time or prioritise you.
Plus, can you think of a bigger red flag than somebody who vanishes off the face of the Earth without so much as a 'Be right back'?
In terms of how daters should respond to this type of behaviour, Bennett said: "If you’re being submarined, my advice is to not let the other person get away with it.
"You don't have to confront [them], but definitely don’t play the game and pretend nothing happened. At the very least, find out the circumstances of why you didn’t hear from him or her.
"Before you can rebuild the relationship, it’s important to establish a base level of honesty and authenticity. If the person can’t do that, he or she doesn’t deserve your time and attention."
If online dating is this complicated, it makes a good case for finding love on a reality TV show.