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Topics: Sex and Relationships
Jess Hardiman
A relationship expert has revealed the signs of how to spot new dating trend breadcrumbing, saying it’s a ‘manipulation’ tactic that can leave people feeling incredibly ‘confused’.
These days, there are often clever labels given to all kinds of relationship behaviours that we may have previously experienced, but weren’t sure how to explain or summarise.
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The latest is ‘breadcrumbing’, which isn’t a clinical term but has become one popularly used on social media sites like TikTok to describe certain conduct.
It’s essentially a move that sees someone – that’s the ‘breadcrumber’ – leading another person on by sharing small pieces of information... that’s right, or ‘breadcrumbs’.
Speaking to Indy100, psychologist and relationship expert Dr Cortney Warren explained: “Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic that only benefits one party — the breadcrumber enjoys the romantic attention they receive from you without having to truly invest in the relationship in any real way, as a committed partner would."
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Warren, who is the author of the new book, Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction, said the person you’re seeing or in a relationship with will feed ‘little tiny tidbits of information’ to make you think they want to forge some sort of relationship, but that actually they’re never really into it.
"They're kind of leading you on in a way that oftentimes is really hard for the person who is being breadcrumbed if you call it that way, because on the one hand, it seems like the person's interested in you,” she said.
Warren said breadcrumbing may not always be ‘intentionally mean’ or ‘even intentional at all’.
But she did warn that there are several indicators of breadcrumbing that you can look out for, including seemingly simple habits like sending emojis in place of an actual reply.
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"They give you little text messages or you maybe met them a few times if you want it on a couple of dates, and so they showed some interest, but now when you're trying to get a hold of them or make a plan, they're really noncommittal,” she said.
"Or they only give you like a little emoji as opposed to like an actual direct response and so often for the person who is being breadcrumbed, they feel very kind of confused."
Just as breadcrumbing isn’t always a move someone makes on purpose, Warren said there are various reasons behind the behaviour – from being ill or being stressed at work to simply going through something personal.
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"And so that's why having the conversation is so important because they might come back to you and say, 'oh gosh, I am so sorry. I am so preoccupied with you know, this work project or a breakup that I'm going through that I just don't have much energy and bandwidth to give back right now and it has nothing to do with you and I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings,' it really couldn't be that.”