According to an expert, there is a ‘problematic’ thing you might notice while your family comes together this Christmas and it’s called ‘triangulation’.
Families aren’t always healthy, and sometimes, even the healthy ones have issues that nobody notices until it’s too late.
One of these issues could be ‘triangulation’, which you might not even realise is happening in your own home.
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However, it’s quite ‘unhealthy’ to take part in.
Dr Judith Joseph, who speaks a lot about psychology, went on to bring it to the attention of her followers on social media.
Posting a clip to her Instagram account, she played out a scenario where ‘triangulation’ would come into play.
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She began by pretending to be two people, one who is her mother, and the other herself.
By enacting a telephone conversation, she described a scene in which her mother tells her that her grandmother is unhappy.
As her mother, she said: “Honey, your grandma is really upset that you didn’t come home for Thanksgiving and she’s expecting you for Christmas.”
As herself, she replied: “She sent me a text over Thanksgiving. I had no idea she was upset until you just told me.
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“I’m so confused.”
Again, as her mum she said: “Well, of course you’re confused. Our family doesn’t directly deal with conflict. Instead, we use triangulation to gang up on one member that we think is wrong.”
As herself, she explained that she feels like she has no ‘leverage to defend’ herself when that happens, and she is then told that that’s the point, as the family wouldn’t be able to force others into doing things that ‘they don’t want’ to do if they didn’t use triangulation.
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Have you had this happen to you too?
Dr Joseph went on to accompany her video with an explanation, sharing: “Triangulation is problematic in family dynamics because it is an unhealthy form of communication that can pit family members against each other in an effort to coerce others into complying.
“This form of communication can be passed down in families and is one of the patterns we see in generational trauma.”
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Sharing how to learn to spot the signs and also to break the generational cycles by changing your communication style, she wrote: “It is helpful to recognize how to change these unhealthy communication methods so that relationships are more nurturing and less stressful.
“The holidays is a time of year that triangulation tends to peak in families.”
While she’s careful to note that the video ‘does not represent all cases of triangulation and the example in this reel is not always explained by triangulation’, it’s still a good look into a communication style that’s unhealthy for all involved.
People in the comments felt ‘called out’ after recognising that this explains how their family communicates, and many have vowed to not make the same mistake.
One person wrote: “Jaaaaaayzus . This one felt personal.”
Another said: “Dr. Judith please stop talking about my family.”
Someone else commented: “The way my peace is so perfectly set up without these ppl is baffling cuz this may be the most exhausting thing…especially when you’re always the messenger.”
Topics: Social Media, Christmas
Britt Jones