Why straight people using term ‘partner’ is sparking debate among LGBTQ+ community
After Timothée Chalamet used the term to describe his girlfriend of three years Kylie Jenner, people are sharing their honest thoughts.
There has been a notable shift in the dating world that has ignited discussion about the use of a particular label.
We can all agree that term ‘partner’ can come across as ambiguous. So why would people use it?
It has been used in the LGBTQ+ community for years as a way to keep one’s romantic partner anonymous. Although the use of the word in a relationship context is not exclusive to the LGBTQ+ community, for some it may help them keep dynamics of the relationship anonymous in fear of homophobic or transphobic backlash, or perhaps the partner doesn’t quite fit into the gender binary norms of boyfriend or girlfriend.
It has also been used in LGBTQ+ and heterosexual relationships to describe long-term, serious relationships before gay marriage was legalised in the 21st century. For some, using more obvious terms like 'husband', 'wife', 'girlfriend', 'boyfriend' felt unreachable, and ‘partner’ was more accessible and safe.
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But now the use of the term is changing, or rather, the people who use the phrase. We’re not talking about people who share a business or sport duos, either.
When Timothée Chalamet delivered his acceptance speech for winning the Critics Choice Award for Best Actor, the Marty Supreme star thanked his ‘partner of three years’. We all know that he’s talking about Kylie Jenner, but why would he refer to her as his ‘partner’ and not his girlfriend?
His speech caused a fuss on social media for several reasons. It was one of the first times he had spoken directly about his relationship on the world stage, although he still decided against mentioning her name.
The other side of the debate is who gets to use the term ‘partner’. For some heterosexual people, they may view the term as a step-up from boyfriend or girlfriend, which to them may feel more juvenile.
But when used by straight people, especially those who are celebrities, are they simply trying to create intrigue or manoeuvre around inevitable questions, stories, and social media analysis of their relationship?
The debate around the usage of the term ‘partner’ isn’t totally new. In a Reddit thread for the LGBTQ+ community, someone asked the question, “Does it annoy you when straight people use the term ‘partner’ instead of gf/bf [girlfriend/boyfriend]?”
One person responded: “Not at all. More straight people using it means it’s more acceptable for me to use it, and also makes it more ambiguous if I have to refer to my partner in a space that may not be completely accepting.
"Also, fewer people are marrying these days, but it feels less serious to call someone you’ve been committed to for 10 years your ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’.”
Similarly, another person claimed using the terms boyfriend or girlfriend sounds ‘dumb’ if you’re ‘over 50’.
But as Timothée Chalamet and other people around his age have shown, it’s not just older straight people who prefer to use the term ‘partner’.
Other people who identify as LGBTQ+ defended straight people’s use of the phrase in a separate thread. “I think it's a good thing. It normalises the word partner, instead of that being an instant tell that someone is gay. Which is a good thing. And it's not like the LGBTQIA+ community owns the word partner.”
While someone else shared their experience, explaining: “As a gay person who tries not to out myself to strangers, I appreciate straight people saying 'partner'. It helps me feel safer.
"I often choose to say the word 'fiancée' because out loud, it is indistinguishable between 'fiancé'. Saying 'partner' outs me almost immediately.”
Topics: Sex and Relationships
The Tyla Team