Top divorce lawyer reveals what causes most relationships to break down

For many couples, the idea of separation feels like something that happens to other people and will never happen to them - but relationship experts say the reasons couples drift apart are rarely as sudden as they appear, and a divorce lawyer has lifted the curtain on what the biggest cause of a split can be.

After all, modern relationships come with a unique set of pressures - between demanding jobs, raising children and navigating social expectations.

It can be easy for partners to lose sight of the emotional connection that brought them together in the first place. Big life milestones can also change the dynamic between two people, forcing them to reassess priorities and how they support one another.

According to a London-based divorce lawyer, the reality she sees daily is far more nuanced than the dramatic storylines people imagine - or what a US-based lawyer said about how men ruin their marriage.

After years of working with couples going through difficult separations, she has noticed patterns that show up again and again.

Talking to Stylist, Lucy Stewart-Gould, a partner at law firm Stewarts, explained: “ Disconnect is the biggest common factor leading to divorce.

"Putting to one side relationships where there is some element of domestic abuse involved, whether that’s physical, coercive or controlling behaviour, the single biggest thing I see with my clients is that couples have become disconnected from each other in some way.

"They have stopped feeling supported by or supporting each other. So there’s been a breakdown in their communication.”

Stewart-Gould lays out that this emotional distance often builds quietly over time.

What might start as small misunderstandings can develop into deeper issues when partners stop feeling heard or valued. Affairs, arguments about lifestyle choices, or disagreements over children can indeed still emerge, but she believes these are often symptoms of a deeper disconnect rather than the main cause.

Life stages can also play a role.

She said: “I’ve found there are common trigger points in life when disconnection is more likely to occur,” highlighting how periods such as raising toddlers or preparing for children to leave home can place additional strain on a relationship.

On the other side of that scale, couples have also apparently been seen holding out until the kids are old enough — at the end of their time in school or college — so they can split safely without negatively impacting their education.

Despite witnessing the most challenging aspects of marriage beyond the wedding, the lawyer insists long-lasting relationships are possible when couples focus on self-awareness and honest communication.

She added: “The first thing is personal insight. You’ve got to know yourself and understand why you’re getting married, why marriage is important to you and be honest about it. Be honest about your failings, and be honest about why something might trigger you.

"The second thing is communication. You’ve got to prioritise staying connected to each other.”

She also believes partners shouldn’t expect one relationship to fulfil every emotional need, saying: “Marriage is an incredibly important relationship, but it’s not your only relationship.

"Even in a happy marriage, your spouse is not the only person you need. It’s too much pressure.”