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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life, True Life, Mental Health
Rhianna Benson
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life, True Life, Mental Health
There's nothing a narcissist does better than hiding their harmful tendencies.
They play the role of the doting best friend, the dream date or the caring colleague to garner your trust, all the while, assessing all the ways they'll be able to use the things you say and do against you later on.
Apparently, however, there are subtle indicators - usually shown early on in your relationship/friendship - that you're talking to someone with a dangerously inward-facing nature.
More often, it's the way they word things or suddenly manipulate conversations that are dead giveaways of the turmoil to come.
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Thankfully, a number of mental health and relationship experts have rallied together to compile a list of six of these tell-tale signs, including marriage and family therapist Carrie Ann Cleveland, who specialises in narcissistic abuse.
Speaking to Time Magazine, she explained: "The one great thing about narcissists is they're highly predictable. Once you unveil and look underneath the mask, you can easily anticipate what they’re going to say and what’s going to trigger them."
According to clinical psychologist David Hawkins, the first tell-tale sign that the person you're chatting to has inward-facing tendencies, is their denial.
This mostly takes the form of defending themselves from criticism or allegations agains their character to the extent that they'll die on a hill.
"They deny any wrongdoing," Hawkins explained. "And they dismiss the accusations as false."
Apparently, this denial could take a number of different forms. It could be something as minor as insisting they couldn't possibly have worked harder on that university assignment after receiving criticism from their professors, or as major as refusing to admit they'd cheated in a relationship.
In more dangerous cases, their denial could be reflected back onto you.
So, if they start saying things like, 'You're blowing this out of proportion', or 'It's actually your fault this happened', then the experts recommend thinking twice about replying.
Usually, if you've stuck around a narcissist after the denial phase is over, you'll start observing them on 'attack mode'.
This usually sees them using their partner - or friends and family - as something of an emotional punching bag, blaming them for everything that has done or could possibly go wrong without accepting any responsibility themselves.
Cleveland claims she often hears self-centred individuals telling their loved ones things like, 'You're crazy', 'You're obsessed', or 'You're always starting fights'.
Not only this, but narcissists are partial to holding grudges, and can use previous mistakes, minor failings or even past arguments against you.
According to the expert, they'll also play on your insecurities, using them as a means of taking you down in a row.
Usually after the outright denial of their faults or failings, Cleveland says narcissists will twist the predicament back onto you in a bid to gain sympathy.
Even if, on the off chance they do admit to wrongdoing, they tend to claim this was because of an outside source, before blaming you for responding to it.
They'll apparently say things like, 'That girl was all over me all night, I felt bad saying no', or 'We wouldn't have missed that train if you'd run a little faster'.
On this role reversal, Cleveland went on to explain: "They portray themselves as the one being wronged, so you look like the aggressor.
"You're jumping all over the place trying to defend yourself from these false accusations."
Usually, if their attempt to move the fault back onto you hasn't quite worked, narcissists will try everything they can to diminish the extent of their harmful behaviour.
It's said that they'll attempt to blame you for 'overreacting' to their wrongdoings, these self-centred individuals usually try to slowly brush over them entirely.
"It's usually one of the first [tactics] to show up," Cleveland continued. "They frame abusive or hurtful words and behaviours as 'no big deal' by downplaying your feelings."
As such, if you're talking to a true narcissist, you'll likely hear them telling you things like, 'This is such an exaggeration', 'You're deeping this too much', or 'You're reading too far into things.'
Before you start questioning whether the things they're saying are true, ask yourself how you're feeling inside once again. You probably have a valid point, and they're trying to trivialise things.
A psychological defence mechanism common in narcissist, projection usually sees them accusing you of the very things they're guilty of.
It might sound dramatic, but experts claim that if a narcissist is cheating on you behind your back, they're likely convey controlling or over-protecting behaviour. They might also accuse you outright of cheating yourself.
Cleveland went on to warn: "They deflect suspicion away from themselves. Plus, they muddy the waters and put you on the defensive."
Clinical psychologist J.J. Kelly also agreed, adding: "They have so much shame about hiding anything ordinary about themselves - even flaws that we all have - that any sort of confrontation creates anxiety and fear.
"They don’t even believe what’s spewing from their mouths - they just have to get [the criticism] off them."
In the same way that they attempt to downplay their faults by accusing you of exaggerating or obsessing, experts say narcissists are also prone to using sarcasm as a means of putting you down - again, to deflect.
They'll apparently claim they're 'just kidding', all the while taking aim at your intelligence, your looks or your competence.