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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life, True Life
Rhianna Benson
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life, True Life
Ever been enduring some rather mediocre throes of passion and found your mind inadvertently wandering to something, or someone, else?
It could be your college boyfriend; a holiday fling, maybe? Or that guy you used to work with - you know, the one you did 'it' with on the photocopier after the office Christmas party?
Well, if you find yourself thinking of these steamy affairs with any former flame whilst getting hot 'n' heavy with a new lover or current partner, then you might be the victim of a process known as 'sexual nostalgia'.
Don't be unnerved by its unnerving title, however, as it's actually a pretty common sensation.
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In essence, it describes fantasising about a prior sexual experience, and whilst this can happen at any time or in any place, studies have found that, a lot of the time, these thoughts emerge whilst people are in the midst of intercourse with someone else.
Researchers at the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (PSPB) told the Huffington Post recently that 'sexual nostalgia' should be differentiated from other types of intimate fantasies.
Having a secret fetish for role play, or being tempted by the idea of group sex - both of which are reportedly pretty normal - does not come under this rather specific umbrella.
In fact, some experts believe that one can use 'sexual nostalgia' as a means of learning about their specific style of attachment, as well as why they might have been left with relationship dissatisfaction since this one especially-steamy interaction.
A study by members of the PSPB interviewed a number of people who identified themselves as 'single', and were no longer involved in a long-term relationship.
They were asked asked to fill in a survey on sexual fantasies, which had been categorised into either four sections: 1) Submissive sexual acts, 2) Group and/or anonymous sex, 3) Romantic sexual encounters, and 4) Sexual nostalgia.
Each participant was also asked to detail their experience in various committed romances so far.
Researchers also invited a number of cohabiting couples to take part in the same survey.
Hoping to determine whether fantasies about ex lovers should be approached differently to other x-rated imaginings, those in charge found this to almost positively be the case.
'Sexual nostalgia' stood out to experts, in that participants admitted to the other three categories of fantasy whether or not they were in a relationship or single, whether they'd been satisfied in love previously, or had a secure or avoidant detachment style.
In cases of the 'sexual nostalgia', however, reports of this occurrence depended on these factors.
"Sexually or relationally dissatisfied reported greater sexual nostalgia," authors confirmed. "Whereas people high in attachment avoidance did not calibrate their feelings of sexual nostalgia based on their current relationship status or satisfaction."
Still confused? Let us break it down for you.
Basically, it was found that people with secure attachment styles were most likely to fantasise about their ex whilst single, or when they were trapped in subsequent relationships that failed to fulfil either a sexual or emotional need.
In people with avoidant attachment styles, meanwhile - i.e. people tend to fear vulnerable intimacy - these factors didn't affect whether not someone dreamed of a former lover.