Featured Image Credit: Instagram/@kelseywonderlin / Cultura RM Exclusive/Spark Photographic
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Instagram
Rhiannon Ingle
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Instagram
Anyone who has been single for even a minute will know all about the trials and tribulations of navigating the absolute minefield we call the dating scene.
By now, we're hopefully all aware of submarining, bread-crumbing, getting 'zombied', 'vultured' - or even falling victim to the terrifying 'Ben stage', but it seems not all of us have a clear arsenal of red flags to keep tabs on when it comes to a budding romance.
Advert
But, luckily for us, one dating expert has come through to share her seven red flags you may have thought were green that women should look out for in men.
Kelsey Wonderlin, a licensed therapist and dating coach for women who goes by the handle @kelseywonderlin online, took to Instagram to warn her 61k followers that all that glitters is certainly not gold when it comes to seemingly romantic behaviour.
Her seven red flags disguised as green ones included: "He's charming and chases you."
"He won't let you pay for anything," was the second, while the third outlined: "He talks about your future two dates in."
Fourth up on the list was: "He 'courts' you," with the fifth red flag being: "He wants to 'lead' you."
The penultimate red flag warned: "He makes you feel like his life is incomplete without you."
And, last but by no means least, according to Kelsey, the final red flag that masquerades as a green flag is apparently: "He wants to see you all the time."
Now, I'm sure many of us will understandably be a tad confused by the list hence why the dating expert took to her Instagram caption to provide a little more context.
She penned: "Women have been socialised to want a charming man who 'courts' you, tries to win you over, and makes you feel special.
"But these qualities can indicate a lack of healthy relationship skills, as the concept of 'courting' is historically absent of any focus on deeper emotional intelligence."
The dating coach went on to explain: "Courting can distract both parties from focusing on the deeper qualities that are important for discerning if you’re truly compatible: emotional maturity, core values, etc.
"Emotionally aware partners want to get to know you, not 'woo' you, and they have their own needs and wants, too."
Kelsey warned that, in the worst cases, such flags can indicate a 'potential for abuse'.
"Abusive relationships don’t START abusive," she went on. "They start as intense 'wooing'. Intensity on the front end can become intensity on the back end in a BAD way."
She then encouraged viewers to think a little more about power dynamics in relationships when one person 'leads' as 'by design' this means another person inevitably 'follows'.
Kelsey highlighted: "Think about the areas of life we use the term 'lead' - a boss, a superior, one person in a position of power over another.
"In equal partnership, we lead ourselves and LEAN on each other at times. We divide up tasks based on our preferences and strengths. But EACH partner does this and it’s discussed as a TEAM."
The expert's final top tip was to remember that your love interest should not be pulling out all the stops to 'win you over'.
"You aren’t a prize to be won," she concluded. "You’re a complete human looking for another complete human to co-create a healthy relationship with."
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone. You can talk in confidence 24 hours a day to the national domestic violence helpline Refuge on 0808 2000 247