Sexologist addresses 'silent epidemic' affecting our sex lives

Everyone's sex lives are different.

Whether it's about how little or often you get it on, what positions you're most into, what locations you most prefer and even what contraception you opt for - it's clear that people's sex lives are just as unique and complex as they are themselves.

With that said, however, many people, men in particular, are going through what a sexologist has dubbed a 'silent epidemic' which is seriously impacting how they engage in hanky-panky.

The issue is erectile dysfunction, or ED, which the NHS explains as being unable to get an erection or unable to keep an erection for long enough to have sex.

While ED (impotence) is particularly common in men over 40, a significant proportion of men also face sexual dysfunction earlier in life.

ED has traditionally been associated with physical health conditions like high cholesterol, heart disease and diabetes. It can also be a side effect of some medicines or drinking too much alcohol.

But for younger people, issues getting and staying hard aren't always solely down to a physical cause.

A number of men are dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED), which can have a serious impact on their sex lives (Getty Stock Images)

Data provided exclusively for Cosmopolitan UK by Mojo, a sexual wellness app which addresses ED, has found that out of over one million men who have taken their personalised quiz exploring ED, 43 percent are under 30 and 70 percent are under 40.

"In terms of erection issues, a recent study showed that the prevalence in young men has increased 31 times in the past 10 years," Louis Morgan, Mojo’s director of marketing, explains. "It’s an epidemic that no one is talking about."

There's a lot of chatter online about ED, but Dr Ben Davies, who's a clinical sexologist, sex and relationships therapist, and a GP specialising in sexual medicine, reckons that even though ED feels like a physical thing, for a lot of young guys, it's actually all in their head.

A recent study showed that ED in young men has increased 31 times in the past 10 years (Getty Stock Images)

He points out that male mental health is a growing concern, with Cosmo helpfully citing that men have lower life satisfaction rates than women, and they are less likely to pursue mental health treatment.

Dr Davies adds that young men might be hit even harder because of their age, too. Over the last couple of decades, we've seen a huge jump in reports of poor mental health among young people.

While it was already happening before the pandemic, numbers skyrocketed after COVID-19, as between 2020/21 and 2022/23, mental health referrals for children and young adults went up by more than 50 percent, per the Children's Commissioner.

Often, this mental health crisis is the real culprit behind young men struggling in the bedroom, with Davies explaining: "In younger men, ED is most commonly linked to stress, anxiety, low mood, or relationship dynamics."

He added: "If someone has good morning erections, good erections during masturbation, and desire is intact, but things falter with a partner, it often points to the mind rather than the body."

The expert noted that lifestyle factors can play a role, too.

The expert explained how to navigate ED in the bedroom (Getty Stock Images)

"Medications are another key cause, especially hair-loss treatments and anti-depressants," he said, adding: "Hormonal issues are less common but can occur, particularly after using anabolic steroids."

As for how to navigate ED in the bedroom (or sofa), Davies suggests: "A great starting point is exploring what actually feels pleasurable and what reduces pressure.

"Early in a relationship, intimacy without penetration can be incredibly connecting. Follow your turn-on rather than a script. When men lead with curiosity about their erotic world, exploring fantasies, sensations, and desires, they stay more present and less anxious."

While it may be tempting to just grab some pills like viagra to help with the issue, others might find more benefit in a holistic approach to their sexual well-being, taking the pressure to perform completely out of the equation.

"Pleasure doesn’t depend on penetration; there are countless ways to have amazing sex while giving your nervous system a chance to relax," Davies concluded.

If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.