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Topics: Advice, Explained, Life, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships, Weather, Women's Health
Rhiannon Ingle
Topics: Advice, Explained, Life, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships, Weather, Women's Health
An expert has revealed why you've been having less sex lately - and what to do about it.
There are a million things stopping you getting it on in the winter months - whether it's frantically sorting Christmas shopping or simply trying our hardest to keep on top of our health and wellbeing as we all face a severe lack of vitamin D.
All this life chaos can have an impact on our sex lives, with many people reporting a little less, ahem, rumpy-pumpy than usual when it comes to what goes on between the sheets.
But, apparently, there's actually a reason as to why your sex life has slowed down recently, with licensed sexologist and relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, explaining to HuffPost UK: "While it’s not the case for everyone, many people experience a decreased sex drive during the cold months and find it problematic, especially for the relationship.
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"And this is not only anecdotal – there’s actually a medical review done on males on the topic published in the National Library of Medicine that concluded that we actually do have less sex drive during the dark and cold months."
According to the sexpert, it's unfortunately not as simple as just one single issue which causes the dip in bedroom activity.
"First off, the lack of sunlight, especially in the north, makes people less energised and affects our hormones, which makes us more tired, and... less interested in sex," she stated.
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"The body has a tendency to go on 'save mode' when it’s dark and cold, which shows by many wanting to snuggle up on the sofa rather than initiate passion."
This time of year is often a period that leads to 'deadlines at work, logistic problems, tons of places to be at and economic stress'.
Not exactly an aphrodisiac, that.
Roos continued: "Sex drive is very sensitive towards stress, as it makes us de-prioritise everything that’s not crucial for survival until we have tackled what stresses us.
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"And lastly – hectic periods make us lose each other in the relationship as it comes so much in between, so the holidays, which should be a time for love and getting closer, paradoxically slip us apart because of all the hustle.
"And less intimacy outside of bed also leads to less intimacy in bed."
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"The first thing you must do is to change [your] mindset," Roos said. "During summer, the lust often comes quite by itself, but during the winter, you need to work more for it – so prepare to put in some more time and energy into ‘maintaining’ your sex life."
One way of doing this is by creating 'small moments of intimacy'.
"Sex doesn’t need to start in bed, but can be initiated during the day with a text message, a long hug and a passionate kiss before leaving for work, or by just holding hands and having more eye contact. These small acts of physical love build lust," she suggested.
Also, be sure not to put too much pressure on yourself when it comes to the sack.
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Roos advised: "Instead of thinking that you should have sex, focus on just being close. That tends to make the pressure go out the door, which gives room for spontaneous sex."
Oh yeah, and keeping fit and healthy can't hurt.
"An active lifestyle is also important. Try to take walks when it’s sunny outside, do some exercise, or just leave home for some hobbies. That gives energy, which also boosts lust!" the sexologist shared, before adding: "And last but not least, talk about how you’re feeling.
"By opening up with your feelings, needs and boundaries, lots of the anxiety and pressure go away. This openness helps to relax, something that’s a big ingredient in a high desire!"
Noted.