How to tell if ‘Cassandra syndrome’ is affecting your relationship and what to do about it

Do you ever feel your concerns about your relationship or your partner's behaviour are being completely ignored and disregarded?

A term which describes this particular phenomenon may not be something on your radar, but by understanding what it is and how to begin addressing it could help your relationship.

What is 'Cassandra syndrome'?

Known as Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder (CADD), it primarily impacts neurotypical people in relationships with people who are on the autistic spectrum but have not been formally diagnosed.

The neurotypical partner may feel something is different in the way their partner approaches certain situations, emotional or social cues, but their concerns are ignored.

The term describes the ‘emotional and psychological distress’ experienced by the neurotypical person in the relationship, The Hart Centre explains.

This can also lead to feelings of disappointment in the relationship, confusion, anger and guilt, low self-esteem, anger and frustration.

Cassandra in Greek mythology

A depiction of Cassandra, Cassandre - Fille De Priam', 1403, (1939), which is part of the manuscript De Mulieribus Claris by Giovanni Boccaccio (Print Collector/Getty Images)

The term has links to Cassandra in Greek mythology. She was a prophetess whose prophecies were never believed despite being accurate.

When Apollo fell in love with Cassandra, he offered her the power of prophecy in exchange for her love. But when she rejected him, he cursed her so that no one would ever believe her predictions.

She predicted the fall of Troy and other disasters, and the death of Agamemnon, but no one listened.

Cassandra in modern contexts

Some partners may feel a sense of dissonance (Getty Stock Images)

In modern usage, Cassandra syndrome (which is also called the Cassandra ‘metaphor’, ‘predicament’, ‘dilemma’, ‘phenomenon’) is used to refer to when someone (usually a woman because of the term's historical ties but it can be related to anyone) has valid warnings or concerts that aren’t believed by others.

The metaphor has been used in a variety of contexts, such as psychology, science, tv and film, the corporate world, and relationships.

When someone is not believed, it can lead to feelings of powerlessness, because the person knows something is amiss but cannot change the course of events because people don’t believe them.

ASD psychologist Kenneth Roberson told Psychiatrist.com: "There are many cases of neurodivergent partners who are able to mask their challenges and appear to people around them as articulate, thoughtful, caring, sensitive, empathic, and so on. That creates a sort of cognitive dissonance."

Cassandra syndrome has been described as a type of relationship trauma with symptoms of anxiety, anger, hypervigilance, and dissociation which aren’t the result of a singular traumatic event. Instead, they stem from a continuous lack of intimacy and social connection.

This dynamic results in many neurotypical partners feeling unheard. The partner with undiagnosed ASD may be able to convincingly dispute and explain their behaviours, which may make their partner question their own judgement.

However, some experts have argued that Cassandra syndrome relies on ‘stereotypical understandings of autism’ in men, and that the phenomenon may ignore those in gender diverse, LGBTQ+ relationships or when the man in a heterosexual partnership questions if the behaviours of his female partner might be due to ASD.

What can Cassandra syndrome teach us about relationships

Showing empathy is the first step to address any relationship issues (Getty Stock Image)

It shines a light on the need for support and recognition for neurotypical partners in relationships with neurodiverse people, Psychiatrist.com explains.

Showing empathy is the first step to address any relationship issues. Neurodivergent people may not react to social cues the same way a neurotypical person would.

You can help your partner acquire neurodiverse-friendly communication skills to help you both strengthen the relationship, as well as connecting with support systems.

Remember - addressing any issues with an open mind, patience and the willingness to work together should help in the long run.

You can also consider seeking professional help in couples therapy, as well as journaling your thoughts and feelings, and setting aside regular check-ins with your partner.