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Topics: Dating, Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life
Madison Burgess
Topics: Dating, Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life
Men out there, listen up - the next time you're under the sheets, you might want to avoid asking your partner one specific 'dirty talk' question.
A popular phrase that men whisper to women in the bedroom has been brutally dubbed an 'orgasm killer,' with people admitting it 'totally distracts' them and sends the mood downhill.
We all know that everyone has different sexual preferences; this one specific query apparently prompts quite a strong negative reaction - and it's more common than you'd think.
Research by sex education site OMGYES explained how women go too 'into their heads' when asked this particular question, and lose the buildup to an orgasm they may be feeling in the moment. Instead, they get distracted and can't really focus on being in the moment.
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So, what is this question, I hear you ask?
It is "Are you close?" and whether it's with a wife, girlfriend, or one-night stand, women simply don't like it.
One woman told the study: "The number one orgasm-killer for me is the question 'Are you going to come soon?' because then my thoughts take over like - 'Am I taking too long?', 'Are they bored?' and those thoughts totally distract me, and the orgasm goes away."
Giving insight into the phenomenon, sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight told Metro: "Whilst it might not be intentional, asking 'are you close' can tend to introduce pressure at the wrong moment.
"Instead of allowing someone to stay immersed in connection, it shifts their focus to performance and timing."
She explained: "For many women, arousal builds gradually and needs a sense of safety and space, so being asked if they’re 'close' can feel like they’re being hurried along rather than supported in their own rhythm."
So, if you're reading this and realising that you say this phrase a lot in the bedroom, experts from OMGYES have outlined some examples of what you could say instead.
In an Instagram video on the topic, someone from the brand says you should 'ask questions that are open-ended ' so that you can 'get feedback in real time and then apply and change whatever you're doing'.
The expert said, "So things like, 'should I go higher or lower? How is the pressure for you? How is this motion feeling? How is the speed?'
"These kinds of questions that allow you to get that feedback and then change what you're doing immediately. So just take time out of the equation, make sure that your partner knows there's no rush and you're giving them enough time, and you're just there enjoying giving them pleasure."