Psychologist issues warning over 'IBFS' friends
You've heard of lovebombing, but did you know that friendship bombing - AKA 'Instant Best Friends Syndrome' or 'IBFS' for short - is also a thing many women have first-hand experiences with?
It's, in fact, surprisingly common with people all over rushing to social media to share their experiences with 'IBFS' friendships throughout the years.
"My friendship bomber acted punitive, vindictive, stole from me, triangulated me, and attempted to publicly humiliate me when I laid boundaries. I’ve never met anyone like her, and I will NEVER trust anyone like that ever again," penned one Instagram user.
Another shared: "I’ve had so many women do this to me, and they turn on me later on or either copy everything about me. It’s unbelievably creepy."
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"Yeah, and then they’ll want a tattoo with you, and then they’ll get so jealous of you they’ll secretly hate you, but they’ll say you are the problem," wrote a third.
Others, however, felt a little differently, with a fourth declaring: "I do this, but it’s because I love having friends and I'm neurodivergent lmao bye."
And a final Instagram user echoed: "When you know, you really know. The relationships between my closest friends and I happened literally overnight. They have been around for about 10 years each."
Speaking exclusively to Tyla, Senior Educational and Child Psychologist, Dr Sasha Hall, told us everything we need to know about the fascinating phenomenon.
What is an 'IBFS' friendship?
Firstly, the expert outlines, 'friendship bombing' or 'Instant Best Friends Syndrome (IBFS)' are not recognised psychological terms or clinical diagnoses.
Instead, they are phrases that have emerged on social media to describe a pattern that some people recognise in friendships.
"The idea generally refers to someone who forms an intense emotional connection very quickly, often treating a new friend as though they have known them for years," Dr Hall notes.
"While this can feel exciting and flattering at first, healthy friendships usually develop gradually, with trust, emotional closeness and mutual understanding building over time."
She adds: "It is also worth remembering that some people naturally bring warmth, enthusiasm and openness to new relationships.
"Quickly clicking with someone is not, in itself, unhealthy. What matters is whether both people feel comfortable with the pace of the friendship and whether each person’s boundaries are respected."
What are the red flags of an 'IBFS' friendship?
"Rather than looking for 'red flags', I think it is more helpful to notice patterns of behaviour," Dr Hall explains, adding that a single behaviour in isolation does not necessarily mean there is a problem.
She carries on: "Things to notice might include someone expecting a level of closeness that has not had time to develop, wanting constant contact or reassurance, becoming upset if you are not available, sharing deeply personal information very early, expecting you to prioritise them over existing relationships or reacting negatively when you set reasonable boundaries."
According to the psychologist, the biggest sign is often that the emotional intensity develops much faster than genuine trust.
"Healthy friendships tend to feel reciprocal and flexible, whereas an unhealthy dynamic can leave one person feeling pressured, guilty or responsible for maintaining the other person’s emotional wellbeing," she warns.
Why does this happen?
Dr Hall tells Tyla that, in many cases, it does not come from a place of manipulation.
"There are many reasons why someone might become emotionally invested in a friendship very quickly," she continues.
For some people, it may reflect loneliness, previous experiences of rejection, low self-esteem, or a strong desire to feel accepted and connected. Others may naturally become excited when they meet someone they have a lot in common with.
The expert highlights: "Sometimes people try to create emotional security by speeding up emotional closeness.
"The difficulty is that trust cannot usually be rushed. It tends to develop through repeated experiences of reliability, consistency and shared experiences over time."
What is the deeper psychological impact?
"For the person on the receiving end, the friendship may initially feel flattering, but over time it can become emotionally overwhelming," Dr Hall explains.
"They may feel guilty about needing space, anxious about disappointing the other person or reluctant to set boundaries because they do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
"For the person driving the intensity, friendships that move very quickly can also become difficult to sustain. If expectations are not met, they may experience disappointment, feel rejected or believe that people always pull away from them."
This can reinforce unhelpful patterns that make future friendships feel equally uncertain.
If you recognise some of these behaviours in yourself, there is no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed, Dr Hall assures.
"Many people are naturally warm and enthusiastic. It can simply be helpful to ask yourself whether the friendship is developing at a pace that feels comfortable for both people, whether you are allowing trust to grow naturally and whether you are maintaining a healthy balance with your other relationships and interests," she outlines.
If you feel someone else is moving the friendship faster than feels comfortable, it is okay to slow the pace.
"Setting kind but clear boundaries, taking time before making plans and allowing the friendship to develop naturally can all help," the expert adds. "A healthy friendship should be able to tolerate boundaries without making someone feel guilty for having them."
Are there any benefits or good sides to an 'IBFS' friendship?
Dr Hall tells Tyla 'yes', adding: "Some of the qualities associated with this pattern, such as warmth, openness and enthusiasm, are often the very qualities that help people build meaningful friendships. Many lifelong friendships begin with an instant connection.
"The difference is that healthy friendships allow emotional closeness to grow alongside trust, rather than expecting trust to exist immediately. When both people feel comfortable with the pace, respect each other’s boundaries and remain free to be themselves, an enthusiastic start to a friendship can become the foundation of a strong and lasting relationship."
Topics: Tyla Exclusive, Life, Explained, Social Media
Rhiannon Ingle