Polyamorous person explains why multiple partners are for those who are ‘more committed’
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Emma Guinness
Featured Image Credit: TikTok/@polyphiliablog
Topics: Sex and Relationships
A polyamory educator has claimed that the alternative relationship style is actually for people who are 'more committed'.
Poly Philia - AKA Leanne Yau - has gained a significant following explaining what polyamory is all about amid a rise in people willing to practice alternative relationship styles.
A recent survey by LoveHoney found that a third of British people no longer believe in monogamy, with 27 percent saying that they'd consider an open relationship and 23 percent admitting they'd be open to polyamory.
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But while both allow for multiple partners, Poly Philia, who uses she/they pronouns, recently told Tyla that polyamory is actually for people who are extremely committed and don't necessarily just want the option of more sexual encounters.
"Polyamory is for people who are extremely committed," they said. "And I think that people who fear commitment are not going to be happy in polyamory, as well as monogamy.
"Ultimately, you make more relationships, you make more commitments, you make more promises that you have to stay consistent and follow through on."
The TikToker added that a key part to being successful in polyamory is being able to manage your time to keep all of your partners happy in your respective relationships - as opposed to just making time for one person.
Another big myth is that people can't cheat when they practice polyamory, which is entirely possible depending on the dynamic.
Poly Philia asserted to Tyla that 'cheating in a relationship is defined by the people in the relationship'.
"So for most monogamous people, that would be things like having sex with someone else, having feelings for someone else," she said.
"In polyamory, you might have different boundaries on what constitutes cheating.
"So such as if you have unprotected sex with someone else or if you get someone else pregnant, or if you fail to communicate about a new relationship, or if you fail to update your partners on like a new milestone in another relationship.
"Any form of kind of lack of communication and lying would be cheating."
That's why it's possible to cheat in an open relationship too - and in any other relationship style - if a person goes outside the boundaries of what's been agreed: every dynamic is different.
Another myth is that polyamorous people aren't jealous, but Poly Philia explained that they can also experience jealously - they just manage their emotions in a different way.
They said: "Polyamorous people are more likely to ask themselves, why they're feeling jealous, and do more self interrogation and communication with their partner rather than just asking the partner to stop doing the thing.
"Jealousy is a very normal emotion that happens even to the most seasoned of polyamorists."
However, Poly Philia did admit that people who experience 'acute' jealousy will likely struggle in polyamorous relationships.
They suggested some helpful questions that people can ask themselves when they experience this emotion.
"Jealousy either comes from some kind of personal insecurities like fear abandonment or it's going to be like an unmet need in the relationship.
"Is that something your partner is doing with someone else that you also want to do?
"Do you feel envious of someone else's relationships? How can you address that need in your relationship and talk to your partner about it?"
Everyone can therefore learn a thing or two about themselves and relationships by educating themselves about polyamory - even if it's not for them.
It will also enable people to interact more respectfully with those who practice alternative relationship styles, which, if LoveHoney's survey is anything to go by, is a lot more people than you might think.
If you'd like to find out more about polyamory, you can keep up with Poly Philia on TikTok and Instagram.