'Bum-maxxing' explained as expert issues warning over 'toxic' dating trend
Stay safe out there, ladies; the dating scene is rough.
Many singletons will agree that their love life is in 'the pits', often left feeling frustrated over dating app 'throwaway culture', the fear of 'ghosting' and a major decline in organic in-person connections.
That partnered with the rise of inceldom and manosphere rhetoric, plus a bunch of grim dating trends like 'Shrekking' and 'seagulling', and it's no wonder why so many people are feeling so bleak about the world of romance.
And things don't seem to be getting any better now that some men are urging others to try out 'bum-maxxing', claiming such behaviour 'attracts women on a primal level', making them 'crave' their aura before ultimately getting 'turned on'.
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Dating coach Hayley Quinn has since exclusively told Tyla exactly what she thinks of the 'toxic' dating trend.
But, first things first, what even is 'bum-maxxing'?
Well, the expert explains: "Bum-maxxing is when men intentionally act in a way that's toxic, self-interested, and emotionally unavailable.
"This means telling women that they're busy, disappearing for days, and believing this behaviour is the route to being attractive to women."
Pointing out the highly problematic nature of the trend, Hayley notes that such advice encourages 'normal guys' to become the 'hot chaotic guy', who, despite sleeping on his friend's couch, has a 'project' or 'ideas' that make him feel superior to the people around him.
"It runs on the belief that if a guy doesn't treat women as a priority, they will start to do the chasing," she continued.
According to the dating coach, bum-maxxing appeals to a generation of responsible men who see that their education and stable jobs aren't helping them score a girlfriend.
"Bigger picture, many men feel totally locked out of the dating scene: they get no matches on dating apps, fear rejection or social scrutiny if they approach a woman in real life, and first dates never progress," she added.
"Being drawn to radical solutions like bum-maxxing stems from disappointment and rejection."
As for her own advice, Hayley recommends: "For the guy who has tried to 'just be yourself' and made no progress with dating, I'd encourage him not to follow red pill internet trends.
"What bum-maxxing promises is that you can protect yourself from rejection by operating constantly from a place of emotional distance. I can see why this is appealing to some men; however, ultimately, it's selling a fantasy."
She carried on: "When people feel they must put on an act to attract someone, it erodes their self-worth. What bum-maxxing effectively says is, 'Don't be you - be this guy instead,' which is seriously toxic."
Not to mention, Hayley adds, it's also unattractive to women who want to build relationships.
"Instead of jumping on this bandwagon, I'd encourage men to look at how they can meet more women in real life, develop better communication skills and healthy boundaries for dating," the expert urged.
"Longer run, this can both honour who they are, and get them much better results with dating."
Topics: Dating, Dating trends, Tyla Exclusive, Sex and Relationships, Social Media
Rhiannon Ingle