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Here’s how often other couples are really having sex
Home>Life>Sex & Relationships
Published 17:43 24 Oct 2024 GMT+1

Here’s how often other couples are really having sex

The topic of sex is popular, but the amount of sex you should really be having has remained a mystery

Britt Jones

Britt Jones

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Featured Image Credit: Getty stock images

Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Wedding, Advice, Mental Health

Britt Jones
Britt Jones

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The average amount of sex couples are having is the topic for today, and it could help you in the bedroom.

Thankfully, there have actually been studies on this, and you can figure out whether you’re having too much or too little based on the stats.

If you think you’re well below the number - don’t fret, experts have weighed in on the subject and their insights are brilliant.

There are some tips below to help you and your partner get back at it.

What is the average amount of sex couples are having?

Experts weigh in on how much sex is average (Getty Stock Images)
Experts weigh in on how much sex is average (Getty Stock Images)

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Whether you think it’s once a week or twice a month, the answer lies in Ian Jerner, PhD, who spoke to Healthline about how he responds to couples who ask him how often they should have sex.

He shared: “I’ve always responded that there’s no one right answer.

"Essentially, it’s when couples stop having sex, that their relationships become more likely to harbour resentment, cheating and anger.

The amount of sex couples have also differs when it comes to your age, lifestyle, health and so on.

Nobody has the same situation, so the answer will always be different."

Now, you probably thought we were going to give you an actual number to aim for, but that’s just not the case.

According to David Schnarch, PhD, his study of more than 20,000 couples, showed him that only 26 per cent of couples were having sex once a week, with most having it once or twice per month.

But another study, which was published in The University of Chicago Press a decade ago, found that married couples had sex seven times a month.

A third study which interviewed 16,000 people found that older participants were having sex around twice or three times a month, while younger people claimed to have sex once a week.

So, there’s no set number for who is having sex and when.

Is your marriage suffering?

Is your marriage taking a hit? (Getty Stock Images)
Is your marriage taking a hit? (Getty Stock Images)

While it could be troubling that you’re not having intimacy, it doesn’t actually mean that your marriage is challenged by the lack of sex, according to Schnarch.

Dr Kerner said: “Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom of America’s to-do list; but, in my experience, when couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become ‘good friends’ at best, or ‘bickering roommates’ at worst.”

Sync your sex drives to increase sex

Sync up! (Getty Stock Images)
Sync up! (Getty Stock Images)

Al Cooper, from the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre, explained that sex isn’t the problem here.

He said: “In general, however, a couple’s problems are often less about sex, per se, than getting to the sex.

Dr Gail Saltz added: “If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes, but probably a bit less than the other likes.

“No couple’s willingness for sex at any given time lines up perfectly. The key is how well a couple negotiates the times when one initiates and the other refuses.”

With so much faff in the day to drain you of your energy, no wonder some people just aren’t up for it that often.

But according to the experts, scheduling sex and expressing intimacy throughout the day can help.

This could be hugging each other every day, turning away from technology, which is distracting or even seeing a sex therapist could help you.

Just know that there’s no set amount of sex you should be having.

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