People lose it over woman's story of using her mum's adult toy which just gets worse and worse
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Featured Image Credit: TikTok/@sextedmyboss
A woman has been left looking for advice after using her MUM'S sex toy, and let me just tell you, that's not even the worst part of it.
Let me just say now, you don't have to read this story.
I'm sure you could live the rest of your life very happily, never having heard it. But at the same time, it's almost too horrific not to hear.
Melissa, the woman at the centre of this oh-so-terrible tale, decided to share her story with the podcast Help I Sexted My Boss, on which hosts William Hanson and Jordan North usually help people navigate the everyday problems of modern life.
However, every now and again, they get a story like this. One which is definitely not an 'everyday problem', but which is definitely the result of modern life.
So, let us begin.
Melissa's dilemma began when she was housesitting one night for her parents, who'd gone on holiday for the week. After 'a few glasses of wine', the woman was under her parents' bed looking for a phone charger when she stumbled upon a mysterious shoe box.
Jordan immediately flagged that she shouldn't look in the shoe box, but obviously it was too late for that. She looked in the box, and found - in her words - 'a very large and realistic battery-powered boyfriend'. AKA, a dildo.
The mere sight of a sex toy belonging to a parent might be enough to send some people running, but not Melissa. Instead, alone, 'horny' and curious about the 'XL, veiny monster', Melissa decided to clean it off and give it a go.
I know, I know - don't say I didn't warn you. The story doesn't end there, though.
Melissa had a great time with the 'battery-powered boyfriend', admitting it was 'amazing' and 'hit all the right spots'. It wasn't until afterwards, though, that she realised a little detail on the dildo which she'd failed to spot the first time around.
"Upon closer inspection, the only markings [on the dildo] were a faint name on the base, embossed in the plastic.
"It read: 'clone a willy.'"
*Cue the nausea*
In case you've not cottoned on to exactly what this label meant, Melissa continued: "Turns out I've been getting the best orgasms of my life from a replica of my father's penis. How am I meant to proceed from here?"
Honestly, Melissa, I don't know.
After the story was shared on the podcast, people were understandably horrified and unsure how to react.
One shocked listener joked: "I miss who I was 2 minutes ago," while another added: "I went through all 5 stages of grief while listening to this."
"Anyone know how to block out a memory on purpose? I’d like to forget this story immediately and forever," added a third.
I bet you're wishing you'd listened to me at the start of this article, aren't you?
You can catch the full episode here.