Why not everyone wants to meet their ‘diblings’ as divisive term is explained
Families can be complicated. Sometimes there’s estrangement and divorce involved, half and step-siblings to build bridges with, or relationships with aunts and uncles that constantly cause friction.
There’s no one-size fits all when it comes to parenting either, with some naturally building a nuclear family set-up, while others have relied on donors to make their child-rearing dreams a reality.
Kings College London stated that last year, more than 70,000 donor conceived children had been born in the UK since 1991.
And, according to a report published by The Conversation, 86 percent of these donor-conceived children (DCP) were informed of their origins by their parents.
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If you choose to tell your child that they were conceived with the help of a donor, then you may also have to navigate any potential ‘diblings’ that may come out of the woodwork.
But what is a dibling, and how can your child find out if they have any of these kind of alternative family connections?
Here’s everything you need to know.
What exactly is a ‘dibling’?
A dibling or your diblings is a single or group of siblings whom you share a biological connection with through the same sperm or egg donor, as per Cofertility.
The site states that someone would classify as your dibling if the donor who helped your parent conceive also helped somebody else to start a family.
There is no limit to how many of these biological connections that DCP may have.
This means that if you choose to connect with your diblings, you may realise your family isn’t as small as you first believed.
If you feel like the word ‘dibling’ is too familiar, then you can also refer to these connections as donor siblings, or just a person who shares your donor.
How can you learn about your diblings?
If you are a DCP who is over the age of 16, then you can access records about the person who donated their sperm or an egg to your parents.
This information bank also includes details on how many diblings you may have, as well as their sex at birth, and what year they were born.
To access this, you need to apply to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority.
Fertility clinics that offer optional connection programs or updates about families who’ve used the same donor can also help you find your diblings, according to Cofertility.
Reasons why parents want children to meet their diblings
Over on Reddit, parents who used a donor to conceive have been debating whether or not they want their kids to meet any potential diblings.
“As curious as I am, I'm not going there. This is a decision that my kids need to make. It doesn't matter what I want. It's their choice. It has to be,” reasoned one social media user.
“So this is a conversation we will have as a family when the youngest is old enough to be able to think it all through.”
A second commented: “I found a donor sibling in my city, in a neighbourhood close to ours (we live in Canada and the donor is American), and they play every other Sunday together at a child playground.
“They look very similar and it’s endearing. Both their mom and myself are solo mothers by choice. Their donor sibling also attends my child’s celebrations and birthdays. I’m very grateful for this relationship. Our children are about 2. We call them brother and sister.”
Another person said they get ‘very excited’ when they find new donor sibling families, claiming: “We are connected with several and see the one who lives near us regularly.”
Why some people don’t want diblings to meet
Family is extremely personal and is different for everyone.
For that reason, you or your kids may not be overjoyed at the prospect of having diblings, and therefore choose not to explore the biological connection.
One Redditor said that even though they were in contact with their same-donor families, they didn’t refer to the children as siblings.
“We don't consider them siblings by default because they're not, family isn't determined by biology,” they reasoned. “It's a fun connection though, and we always liked that our sperm bank makes the option available and open.”
Someone else replied: “Some people want to, some people don't. Finding other kids and families with the same donor can be fun for some people, some families prefer to leave it up to the child for later.
“Some people consider them a type of siblings, some people don't. There's no right or wrong answer, there's no predetermined obligation, there's no requirement to interact in a particular way, label it a particular way, it's just an option some people are curious about and others aren't!”
They added that you should ‘do what makes sense for you and your family’.
Ella Scott