Asking These Two Questions Can Apparently Improve Your Relationship Dynamics
In a relationship it can sometimes be difficult to home in on exactly what works and what doesn't work.
Every relationship has parts that work and parts that could use some improvement. That's just a fact. But when you're both totally caught up in your relationship and you've got bills to pay, a job to do, and people to see, it can be difficult to sit down and take the time to figure out what's good and what needs to be addressed.
However, one psychotherapist, Ken Page, thinks he has the answer. Ken has been published in Psychology Today and wrote about relationships in his book, Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy so he obviously knows what he's on about.
Writing for Your Tango, Ken suggests that asking two questions can really help any relationship be it romantic, friendly, or familial:
1. Which interactions in this relationship inspire me most?
2. Which interactions in this relationship hurt me the most?
Ken claims that while these questions might seem obvious, being able to answer them and respond to the answers is super important in any relationship.
After all, if you can identify the parts of your relationships that are inspiring you to can show you the types of interactions that really make you feel loved and validated and this can teach you a great deal about the kind of person you are.
Likewise, if there are interactions in your relationship that have really hurt you in the past you might find a common theme emerging there. What does it really take to damage you? How far can you take being pushed before you snap? It is important to spend a bit of time focusing on the bad stuff because then you can actually see what's happening - it stops you from passing it off as 'one of those things that every relationship has'. This is important stuff to know because it will help you identify key areas which require your attention going forward!
Once you've done this, speak to the other person in the relationship and get their input. You can then open a dialogue about how to maximise the interactions that inspire you and minimize the ones that hurt you!
Ken has this to say about the strategy:
For each point, ask yourself, "What does this say about what's most important to my loved one?" Note the themes that emerge again and again. The more you understand and appreciate these precious parts of your loved one, the more he or she will feel loved and valued by you, and the more joy and connection will be possible in your relationship.In all relationships, there are few greater keys to closeness than having these parts of ourselves seen and honored.
Featured Image Credit: Pexels
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