Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life, Real Life, True Life, Mental Health
Have your ever relaxing at home, and your partner says something along the lines of, 'Wow, must be great having so much free time?'
Or you've been catching up with your friends more frequently lately, and one day your other-half glumly notes, 'Been spending a lot of time with the girls lately...'
Here's another typical one one - 'I guess I'll just do it', with 'it' often referring to things like loading the dishwasher, taking the dog for a walk, or hanging the washing out.
Notice anything in common between these types of passive aggressive phrases? Well, apparently, they're all forms of 'dry begging'.
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'What on earth is that?', I hear you ask. Don't worry, it's not as dirty as it sounds.
It turns out 'dry begging' is a term used to describe a pretty common relationship habit - you've either said these turns of phrase before, or you've had them said to you by your gf/bf.
That isn't to say it's a good thing, however.
It basically refers to your partner trying to let you know they've taken a particular issue with something you've said or done, but doing so in a downright cryptic way.
They're telling you that they have a problem, without telling you that they have a problem.
It's almost like they're dying for you to ask, 'What is the matter with you?', or 'What's wrong?', so they can unleash everything they've been holding in for so long - a form of guilt-tripping then, really.
Despite its humorous name, 'dry begging' is far from funny, experts have said.
In fact, these lingual mind-games have long been considered by relationship gurus to be subtle forms of emotional manipulation.
"It usually involves dropping hints or making emotional demonstrations aimed at creating a sense of obligation," therapist Darren Magee recently explained in a social media video.
In other words, it makes the recipients feel like they need to respond, or change, without being asked to directly.
And apparently, 'dry begging' isn't limited to words - it also takes the form of exaggerated, pointed sighs, sulking, or giving the silent treatment.
Other therapists to be a poor communication habit that needs to be nipped in the bud.
"It’s the opposite of healthy intimacy," said relationship therapist Hope Kelaher in conversation with Brides. "I’ve seen it lead to confusion, resentment, emotional shutdown, and in some cases, complete breakdowns."
As other experts point out, however, some perpetrators may act in this way out of fear of being rebuked, or out of pride.
And whilst this isn't an excuse for potentially inadvertent manipulation, the root cause still needs addressing.
"Sometimes people just don’t know how to ask for what they need," therapist Aerial Cetnar recently told the HuffPost.
"They’d rather hint and be ignored than ask directly and get rejected."
Addressing this issue doesn't need to be a full-fledged row, with the Bay Area CBT Center suggesting that the right course of action is calling out the pattern of guilt-tripping, and ask for full transparency instead.
Ask them what they really mean with what they're saying - some people might need an invite to open up in this way.
