‘Plastic bag’ theory could be causing your relationship to fall apart

A relationship theory known as the ‘plastic bag’ theory has sparked discussion online after suggesting that one seemingly harmless trait could be putting long-term couples under serious strain.

Being easygoing is often seen as a positive in dating. After all, most people would probably take a calm, flexible partner over someone who turns every minor disagreement into a row.

For anyone who has been in a turbulent relationship before, someone who doesn’t argue, doesn’t make things heavy, and seems happy to go with the flow can feel like a breath of fresh air.

However, one relationship coach has warned that, years down the line, that same behaviour may not feel quite so comforting.

In a video shared to his social media platforms like Instagram, relationship and men’s coach Alessandro Frosali argued that the problem is not being relaxed itself, but the passivity that can sometimes sit underneath it.

That is where the ‘plastic bag’ comparison comes in.

According to Frosali, a partner who constantly avoids making decisions, planning dates, initiating ideas or expressing preferences can end up drifting through the relationship while the other person carries the weight.

He said: “easygoing husbands are safe at the start and after years, damn right exhausting for wives here's why.”

Frosali explained that in the beginning of a marriage, an easygoing partner can feel safe because there is little conflict or volatility.

He said: “Why? Because you're flexible, you don't argue much, you don't make things heavy, you won't abuse her, you'll be sweet, you'll be kind — and to her, from the beginning, that feels so f*****g safe; there's no friction, no volatility, no hurt”

However, he argued that the dynamic can change when one partner’s easygoing nature means they rarely take responsibility for the direction of the relationship.

Frosali continued: “So, if we take easygoing away and actually look at what the behavioral traits are of easygoing, it means that you don't initiate — you don't plan things, right; you just go with the flow and you kind of wait for her to make all the plans in the relationship, OK?”

He added: “Behaviourally, you might just say ‘I don't really have an opinion, I don't mind whatever you want, you know, like, I'll just go with’. But, what that practically feels like to a woman, is like living with a man who has the spine of a flaccid plastic bag going down the river.”

The coach said this can leave the other person feeling overwhelmed, as they become responsible for organising, thinking ahead, and making everyday decisions — with the ‘plastic bag’ of the relationship goes with the flow and doesn’t take any initiative themselves.

He said: “And Mr. Plastic Bag, here you are thinking, ‘well, I'm just being chill’.”

What’s more, according to Frosali, the issue is that the other partner may feel as though they have to do far more to keep the relationship moving.

He said, explaining from a perspective of a woman: “It just feels like I have to f*****g do so much just to even live with this bloody plastic bag of a man.”

Frosali stressed that the answer is not to become aggressive or controlling. He said: “When I say grab a little spine, I don't mean man up or, you know, anything that's toxic. I mean, have a little bit of a direction. Have a little bit of life…a little bit of spark…don’t be so f*****g passive.”