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When you’re deeply in love with someone, you can’t always see the wood from the trees. Some relationships see us blinded entirely to our partner’s faults. You can’t see red flags with rose-tinted glasses, after all.
Which is why forums such as Reddit’s Relationship Advice are so essential sometimes, so people can get an opinion from an objective speaker about the state of their romances.
One woman found herself turning to the thread in particularly tragic circumstances.
Outlining the problem, the woman wrote: “I (20 years old) had a miscarriage two weeks ago and my boyfriend (31 years) has been angry at me since.
“We have been dating for two years now and he has been generally supportive of me. I decided it was time to have a baby and my boyfriend encouraged me to have a strong baby.
“Two weeks ago though, I had a miscarriage and I was depressed. My boyfriend was angry at me because he thinks I changed my mind and either had an abortion or did something to miscarry on purpose.”
The woman continued: “I kept trying to tell him that I wanted this child and I never wanted to miscarry but now he is threatening to leave me for someone who will provide him a child.
“How do I educate him on this subject before I lose him? He's the only person I have ever since my family disagreed with me choosing my boyfriend.”
Yep, this is deeply disturbing.
Luckily, the Reddit community thought much the same of us, telling the woman that her partner’s behaviour is almost textbook abusive behaviour.
“You can maybe see why your family disagreed with you choosing this guy. He isn't a good person,” one person said. “If he doesn't understand basic biology, nothing you say to him is going to change his mind.”
A second disagreed, writing: “He understands basic biology. He's lying. This is a classic early abuser move; i.e., how abusers groom their victims for abuse. He takes a deeply emotional, possibly traumatizing, situation and blames it on you, and gets angry with you. He does this over and over until you are first questioning your own sanity, then falling all over yourself to placate him.
“He picked up an 18 year old to date, then successfully separated you from your family and support network. That's abuser 101. You are halfway towards a fully abusive relationship. GET OUT. Do not stay. DO NOT have a baby with this asshole. Call your parents and ask for help. LEAVE.”
A third said: “Yeah it would seem that your family clocked that he is no good.
"Everything you've typed about him, every single thing, is a serious red flag. You need to cut your losses and leave. Whatever you do, do not have a baby with this guy.”
Fingers crossed this girl took this sage advice and left ASAP.
If this story has affected you, please contact Women’s Aid here.