Woman, 22, shares distressing moment that made her fear she was a paedophile before rare condition diagnosis
A young woman has opened up about the distressing experiences she went through due to a rare condition which left her fearing she was a paedophile.
Molly Bryant, 22, appeared on This Morning to talk about her condition.
She had spent years being tormented by her thoughts, which began after she thought a young girl's outfit was inappropriate at an airport.
Molly recalled the moment it all began to Cat Deeley, when she was just 15 years old going on holiday: "I was at the baggage thing, I saw a little girl, and I thought, 'oh, her outfit's quite inappropriate for a child to be wearing', a passing thought," she explained.
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Panic set in for Molly: "I went, "Oh, does that mean that I fancy her? Does it mean that I want to hurt her?" Because I'm looking at her, and that was I thinking of her in that way.
"On that whole holiday I was on the beach saying, 'Oh my gosh, like, why am I thinking this?' Once you have that 'can I be a paedophile?' thought, for someone with OCD it's ' Oh my gosh, I've thought that, and that must mean something' but it doesn't," she stressed.
OCD diagnosis
Molly was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder finally last year, and she has a particular subset of it called Pure O.
"I'm quite fresh out of the diagnosis, but obviously I knew that I probably had it for about wo years before that," she explained.
"When I first experienced it aged 14 and 15 I had no idea that OCD looked like this and could be anything that what I was experiencing," Molly confessed.
She said it's known in popular culture for being obsessively clean and organised, but she said she's 'messy and unorganised, I have none of those kind of themes, and the contamination theme is what that is about."
"When I start experiencing thoughts about harming people and being a paedophile, when I was 15, I obviously wasn't a paedophile," she said.
"It's all based off irrational thoughts, and it's a neurodivergence... it warps your perception of uncertainty, and I just thought, well, paedophiles exist, then what if I could be one?" Molly added.
Tormented by her thoughts, Molly said she felt she couldn't talk to anyone about it.
"My parents are amazing, they've always been very emotionally intelligent and quite an open household, but I thought 'I can never tell them that I'm obsessing about being a paedophile', like that just sounds - and now that I say my thoughts out loud more - it sounds ridiculous!"
She knows now that the thoughts are 'so irrational' but back then she was convinced it meant something, and that she would 'harm' her loved ones or her dog.
Turning point
It all came to a head when Molly 'broke down' one Christmas Eve and told her parents what she had been thinking and feeling.
She ended up seeking therapy, which was a breakthrough moment for her.
Molly recalled how the therapist told her what she was thinking was more common than she realised, but reassured her: "You're not a paedophile, my love. If you were, you wouldn't be in this state. It was the best thing I ever did, and from then I kind of began to recover."
"That was after three or four years of silence," and feeling like she had to bottle it all up.
Molly now dedicates herself to raising awareness of the condition, and says she is mostly 'good' now she is aware of it.
She said she has some days where she can 'spiral' due to the changing nature of her job and work, but talking about it openly and removing the shame and stigma has been a huge help, as she says it allows her to realise when the thoughts are untrue.
If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.
Topics: Mental Health, TV And Film, Health
Jen Thomas