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Woman divides opinion after sharing that her husband is going travelling without her

Jake Massey

| Last updated 

Woman divides opinion after sharing that her husband is going travelling without her

Featured Image Credit: Aleksandr Davydov / nito / Alamy

A woman has divided opinion after opening up about her husband going travelling without her.

The wife took to Reddit to ask 'Am I The A**hole?', and she was inundated with a tonne of responses.

In the post, the 40-year-old explained that she has a 'wonderful, loving' husband who is also an 'involved' father who pulls his weight with domestic chores and brings in enough cash to enable the family to live comfortably.

However, the mum-of-two said there is one rather big problem - he's often not around.


She said her hubby has a 'dear friend' who lives five hours away, and he visits them a few times a month, as well as taking a few 4-6 day trips away each year.

This isn't the actual guy, but we're painting a picture here. Credit: Pexels/Clem Onojeghuo
This isn't the actual guy, but we're painting a picture here. Credit: Pexels/Clem Onojeghuo

"Last Fall they took a 2 week trip abroad," she wrote.

"I knew about it well in advance and was fine with it. I figured it was a one-every-few-years sort of thing.


"A month or so after that trip, he tells me they're planning another overseas trip for this Spring. This time, it's a place I've always wanted to go; we had previously started to plan a trip there ourselves, but decided it would have to wait until the kids were older. I told him I wasn't happy but somewhat grudgingly gave my blessing to what was supposed to be a 7-10 day trip.

"Same goes for another 5-7 day trip abroad they decided to plan for this Summer, again to a place we had previously talked about going together when kids are older.

"And then I found out that first the Spring trip and then the Summer trip had ballooned into 3 weeks each."

The wife explained that these regular and extended trips away had become too much for her.


She continued: "I got upset. I cried and told him I felt betrayed and abandoned, like he was leaving me here to raise the kids (both trips will now cause him to miss significant kid-related events he knew about before planning) while he just goes on doing what he wants and living his life without me.

"He found my response really hurtful, that I would act like he's abandoning me and the kids, and said that he deserves to have meaningful friendships and see beautiful things.

"Am I being unreasonable about this? I feel like I might be, because I haven't done a good job balancing parenthood and my own social life (I basically don't have one anymore) and worry I might be speaking from a place of envy than fairness.

"And we do also take other trips together as a family. But two months of international travel in the span of a year seems like a lot. And when you also add on the bi-monthly hanging out, that's about 4 months out of town with his friend. (I can count on one hand the number of solo days out I've had in the last 3 years with any of my friends, and so again I'm not sure how much this is envy vs unfairness?)."

The woman wasn't sure whether or not she was in the wrong. Credit: Pexels/Liza Summer
The woman wasn't sure whether or not she was in the wrong. Credit: Pexels/Liza Summer

In the responses, there was a clear consensus that was she was not the a**hole in the situation; however, people were divided over what the husband might be up to, with many concluding that he must be having an affair.

One person commented: "You're NTA, but I do think you're not facing a harsh truth. This 'dear friend' is more than that. He has a live-in nanny and housekeeper who lets him to take off and travel whenever and to wherever at his leisure.

"Use his time away for a month to secure a job and nanny, then file for divorce and custody. I wish you well."


Another agreed: "NTA - His amount of travel is way too much. I strongly suspect your husband is having an affair with his 'friend' or using the friend as cover for an affair."

While a third added: "Sure looks like the 'friend' is either a lover or a wingman and you're the safe fallback. This goes well beyond any normal friendship.

"It's been escalating and there's no reason to think it won't continue to escalate.

"If you decide you want out, you can very possibly twist things to your advantage. Tell him that instead of two 3-week trips, how about taking a single 5-week trip because that would be less disruptive. If he negotiates for a 6-week trip, great!

"If he goes for that deal, use the 5 weeks to find a job, a lawyer, and a new place to live."

But others weren't so convinced that he might be seeing someone else.

One person wrote: "Since he gets to take all these trips, I think you should start taking trips and leave him home with the kids. He gets a 2 week trip, then when he comes home, you take a 2 week trip. Tit for tat. It's totally not fair for him to be taking all these trips without you.

"Anyway, you're his victim; you're NTA."

Another added: "NTA. You have no social life, you can't put in sick days, you don’t get to see those beautiful places he gets to go enjoy. As a partner, shouldn't he want a trip with you? As a father, shouldn’t he want a trip with his family? There’s complete disregard for your personal desires.

"You need to work something out here, because 4 months away is crazy. He could cut that in half and give you and the kids 2 months of travel/dates/time off. Or, you could get a job, hire a nanny, and take the travel time for yourself.

"YWNBTA for asking him to shorten his vacation. This isn't a fair situation and he needs to see that."

So the plus side is she ain't the a**hole - downside is her hubby might be having an affair.

Topics: Life, Travel, Reddit

Jake Massey
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