Disturbing list of things that got stuck up people’s penises last year revealed by government
You've heard of Spotify Wrapped, YouTube Recap, and other services that offer statistic-based yearly roundups - but did you know that the US Consumer Product Safety Commission has released an NSFW list of its own?
That's right, the American government is keeping track of everything that gets stuck up people's nether-regions.
As if your extremely awkward hospital visit couldn't get any worse, it's now made its way onto a public list - congratulations!
No, but seriously, we know that people will try some pretty wild things to spice up their sex lives, and while it might sound funny, it doesn't always go to plan and in some cases can pose a serious health risk.
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To save everyone the trouble of sifting through the lists, Defector has gone through the most recent data to round up some of the most shocking items that were reported to be stuck inside Americans' bums, vaginas and penises.
As for peoples butts, the wild and baffling list includes everything from a turkey baster to a baseball and a wine stopper.
Also on the list are a seven-inch dildo and pliers (used to try to remove the dildo) and a door knob - if you're curious and want the full list, feel free to take a look.
There's also a vagina-version of the list, which isn't any less bizarre.
A bath bomb (ouch), a small plastic mermaid, a detergent pod and a beer bottle all made it to the jaw-dropping round-up, as did a hairbrush and a plastic orca.
But my personal favourite is someone who 'inserted two diamond rings in her vagina while at a party in fear they would be stolen'.
As you can imagine, the list of things people got lodged in their penises is just as worrying, with most of it sounding downright painful.
There were surprisingly quite a few tools on the list, such as an Allen wrench and a screw, as well as magnets and a battery.
Both a pen and a pencil made it to the list, as well as an apple stem and core, although it's unknown if this was two ahem, separate incidents or the same one.
It also looks like a game of chess got out of hand as one person found themselves in the ER due to a game piece getting lodged somewhere where it shouldn't be - let's hope it was a pawn and not a king for their sake.
So, without further ado, whether it was down to trying something new out sexually, or simply a very unfortunate accident, here are the craziest things people got stuck and had to visit the emergency room for:
- Battery
- Candle wax
- Chess piece
- 2 glass beads
- Pen
- Pencil
- Comb
- Apple stems
- Apple core
- Bobby pin
- Paper clip
- Magnets
- Spring
- Screw
- Staples
- Thermometer
- Headphones
- Guitar string
- Allen wrench
Sorry to all the people who are seriously cringing right now...
Madison Burgess