Woman says secret to happy marriage is being able to date other people

A woman has shared what has become her secret to a long and happy marriage to her husband.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey has been in a relationship with her husband for 14-and-a-half years, and the pair have been married for just around nine.

She realised that while she'd had relationships before, there was something which had been missing from them, and now has found that factor which has helped her and her husband to build a healthy and strong relationship together.

So what is this big secret?

Well, it's being allowed to date other people.

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Lori Beth explained that she is bisexual, and didn't want to give up a part of her identity by being in a monogamous relationship.

And being polyamorous, or having more than one partner, has helped her to stay connected to that part of herself.

Both her and her husband were 'non-monogamous' before they met and decide they wanted their relationship to reflect that.

She said: "We both love it as we get more needs met, have wider support and more places of joy. We were together for five years before we were married and have had other relationships throughout.

"I have two other long-term relationships.

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"We meet people in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating apps. We have gone to events that are sex and relationship-positive and met people there.

"If I am at a sex positive event, people talk freely about their relationship status (and I do as well). Otherwise, it is really not different than how you approach someone if you are interested in them."

But how do things work?

Well, one rule, which she admits is controversial within the polyamorous community, is a veto rule. This means that one partner can say that the other can't sleep with someone else.

Lori Beth said: "Though it is controversial, we do have a veto rule because of the structure we agreed in our relationship. "Otherwise, we practice safe sex and see consent as the key to establishing safety."

But how do the pair handle jealousy?

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She explained: "In my professional experience, jealousy arises from insecurity about yourself and feeling insecure about your place in the relationship.

"My husband and I are both secure about ourselves and about our place in our relationship so we don't really experience jealousy. We experience envy sometimes."

She continued: "For example, if I am working and don't get the opportunity to go and have fun, but he can. Or if I travel somewhere he would have liked to go with another partner.

"We spend time talking about the feelings, allowing safe expression. Then we will look and see if any behaviour needs to change."

Lori Beth, who is a an accredited advanced gender, sex and relationship diversity therapist, shared her top tips for those considering non-monogamy, which include 'working on yourself' and negotiating 'clear boundaries and rules together'.

Topics: News, Sex and Relationships, LGBTQ+

Kit Roberts

Kit joined Tyla as a community journalist in 2023. They previously worked for StokeonTrentLive, The Mirror, and the Daily Star.