Valentine's Day is finally upon us - but according to one psychologist, a worrying 21st century technology trend could serve as the 'real reason' singletons are struggling to forge connections with potential baes.
We are, of course, talking about 'phubbing' - a controversial habit that is supposedly preventing millions of perpetrators of finding love, and leaving just as many victims feeling left out in the cold.
What is 'phubbing'?
Ever been in the company of another person - whether that be your parent, a friend, your child or even, a date - and gotten a notification through on your mobile phone?
Ever felt it was absolutely necessary to check your phone in that scenario, leaving your company without your attention?
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Well, if you said 'yes' to both of these, apparently, you're a certified 'phubber'.
Basically, 'phubbing' throws together the words 'phone' and 'snubbing' to describe the crime of ignoring another person in favour of your mobile.
And if you've ever been on the receiving end of this - particularly in a high-stakes scenario, like a date - it's far from pleasant, and can actually be quite a 'triggering' experience.
A psychologist's warning
This week, with Valentine's Day on our doorsteps once again, human behaviour psychologist Jessen James spoke exclusively to Tyla, issuing a dangerous warning not to 'phub' your date this year.
This is because, he believes, feeling like you're second in your date's list of priorities behind a piece of technology - especially if you've invested time, money and energy into the get-together - can have disastrous repercussions for victims.
"This can trigger a deep psychological response, as it signals social rejection and a lack of attentiveness, both of which are fundamental to human connection," James tells us.
"In the dating world specifically, this behaviour can signal that you don't value the other person and can diminish genuine engagement that helps build rapport, both of which are key to forming meaningful relationships as human beings."
He added, however, that 'phubbing' is also alarmingly common in long-term relationships, and that this can 'lower relationship satisfaction, increase feelings of loneliness, and even trigger anxiety in the person being ignored'.
James continued: "Over time, it creates a disconnect that can erode trust and intimacy. Social media in particular is a root cause of issues as it can be easy to fall into a 'scroll hole' where scrolling becomes addictive."
How best to behave:
James warns that 'in terms of what to do or not to do', he warns that, simply having your phone face-down whilst on the table might not be good enough, and that, instead, it should be removed from sight.
"In their [the perpetrator's] mind, they feel they are signalling to the other person, 'Hey, I am not looking at my phone,' but the mere fact that your phone is next to you and could go off still signals to the other person, 'You are not with me, you are not fully present.'"
The psychologist continued: "These are things that, unfortunately, get misunderstood - they are not looked at properly, which is why a lot of dates or relationships don't work out.
"At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel important and desired. If you are going out with someone and you become second to their phone, it will be a problem."
Asked for his final advice, James continued: "Try and acknowledge it and try and dedicate quality time with your date. Turn off your phone or put it away or in another room for a couple of hours - what's the worst that can happen?
"The repercussions otherwise might result in a break-up that you didn't wish to happen.
"So, if you want to build and maintain a healthy relationship - be more present - it is all about connection and prioritising 'real-time' and 'real-world' presence with your date or partner instead of being distracted all of the time by your phone."
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating, Dating trends, Valentines Day, Technology, iPhone
Rhianna Benson