Abuse recovery coach reveals five texting habits of a narcissistic abuse survivor
Relationship coach and therapist Danish Bashir hopes his five-item list will help others to leave harmful relationships
Motivational speaker Danish Bashir has used his social media presence for the last few years as a means of encouraging victims of emotional abuse to prioritise their wellbeing and end harmful relationships.
And among some of his most recently-released pearls of wisdom is a list of five communication practices that those on the receiving end of narcissistic behaviour often exhibit - that that they should attempt to free themselves from.
For those unfamiliar with the word, a 'narcissist' is a clinical term used to by therapists to describe someone suffering level of self-absorption that is considered psychopathic.
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Despite often being thrown around nowadays as a way of describing 'self-centred' individuals, narcissism was identified back in the 19th century as a genuine mental disorder.
A common trait among individuals who qualify as 'narcissists' is their ability to disguise their behaviour, and they can often manipulate their partners into thinking they're the ones at fault for their woes within the relationship.
This means, therefore, that many victims of narcissistic behaviour won't actually know they are - until someone points it out, that is.
Which is what Danish Bashir is hoping to do, by revealing five signs you've been on the receiving end of emotionally abusive behaviour just by the use of your mobile phone behaviour.
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"As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you send lengthy texts because you've been conditioned to over-explain yourself", Bashir explained. "You were frequently misunderstood, gaslighted, and made to feel that your thoughts and emotions were irrational."
Bashir also said that providing the person you're texting with 'excessive detail' is a sign you've been subjected to abuse, due to a fear of rejection which has been in drilled into you.
Over-analysing messages
He added that victims of abuse are prone to analysing the messages they receive - as well as the ones they send - due to having previously lived in a 'constant state of hyper-vigilance'.
"After enduring manipulation where even minor changes in communication could have hidden meaning, you instinctively dissect every text, fearing negative consequences or manipulation lurking beneath the surface," Bashir went on.
Rewording their messages for tone
On the subject of overthinking, he added that victims are likely to now look deeply into the sorts of accompaniments that come with texts, including 'emojis, punctuation, tone'.
Again, this is likely due to having previously been forced to remain hyper-vigilant.
"After enduring manipulation, where even minor changes in communication could have hidden meaning, you instinctively dissect every text, fearing negative consequences or manipulation lurking beneath the surface."
Re-reading old messages
This obsession with getting things right out of punishment could also spill into going through old messages and thinking about the ways you'd change them.
"You often revisit old texts in search of closure or answers, but this often leaves you more confused," Bashir added.
"This steams from the cognitive dissonance of trying to reconcile the good and bad aspects of the narcissist, replaying moments in your mind to make sense of the emotional chaos but rarely finding the clarity you seek."
Obsessively waiting for a reply
Similarly, he says survivors are likely to exhibit obsessive behaviour when it comes to receiving replies from people you're communicating with - whether that be via text or on social media.
"The anticipation of a response from the narcissist brings a temporary sense of relief and validation for you, as it feels like a chance for reconnection," he explained.
"However, this relief is short-lived. You overanalyse the message, turning even neutral replies into a source of anxiety.
"This cycle keeps you trapped in a pattern of emotional highs and lows, and you keep constantly searching for the meaning in the narcissist's unpredictable communication."
Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Mental Health, Dating
Rhianna Benson