Narcissistic abuse is something that many have been through, and it can be difficult to know just when you’re being pulled in again, unless the signs are laid out right in front of you.
The thing with narcissism, otherwise known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it that it’s a complex mental health condition.
Even the narcissist may not know the harm they are inflicting.
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So, how are you supposed to know when you’re being manipulated, even if it’s over text?
Danish Bashir, a narcissist abuse coach (@narcabusecoach) has revealed all, and it can help you to finally break the cycle once and for all if you find yourself doing these five things when your significant other or ex texts you.
A survivor of narcissistic abuse will send long paragraphs
Bashir explained through his Instagram post that a ‘narcissistic abuse survivor’ will send ‘lengthy texts because you’ve been conditioned to over-explain’ yourself.
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He shared: “You were frequently misunderstood, gaslighted and made to feel that your thoughts and emotions were irrational.”
So, in order to be understood, you over-explain and give excessive details.
A survivor of narcissistic abuse will over-analyse messages
Because of the miscommunication and the arguments, you’ve learned that you need to analyse everything in the messages, looking for sign of manipulation ‘lurking underneath the surface’.
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You’ll look at ‘every detail’ of the message, including the emojis, punctuation and tone to make sure that there is no hidden meaning and that a storm isn’t heading your way.
A survivor of narcissistic abuse will re-word their abuser's messages for tone
Texts that seemed innocent at the time in hindsight can seem sinister and laden with manipulation when read back after the survivor has 'emotionally divorced' from the narcissist.
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Bashir says in a YouTube clip: "You are taken aback by reading the same text that back then felt very sweet. Now that you read it, you can feel the bitterness of it, you can feel the actual intentions.
"You just wake up from some kind of psychological coma."
A survivor of narcissistic abuse will re-read old messages
As someone who is used to manipulation, you’ll ‘revisit old texts in search of closure or answers’, but you’ll be left with even more confusion.
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You might look back at the moments where they were kind, and wonder where it all went wrong, or you could be searching for the moment where it went downhill, but often, you’ll be left without any clarity.
A survivor of narcissistic abuse will obsessively wait for a reply
Waiting for a reply can feel like torture.
They might have messaged you, and you immediately replied, but now it’s hours later and you’ve been left on ‘read’.
What does this mean?
When they eventually respond it might seem like it had brought a ‘temporary sense of relief’ or even validated your feelings that all is well, it’s not going to last long.
Again, you’ll go through the cycles over over-analysing the messages and checking for tone changes, which can turn even the most neutral of replies into something that keeps you awake at night.
If you find that you’re doing any of these things habitually, it’s time to think about your health and your future.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Health, Mental Health
Britt Jones