Psychologist explains reason why you get the ‘ick’

Neck pillows on planes. That little run-jog people do when crossing the street. Tying shoelaces in public… just a few things that are known to give the major ick.

Seemingly out of nowhere,‘the ick’ catapulted into our lives and took over. Try and last one single day on social media without somebody saying they’ve got the ick - I dare you.

What exactly is 'the ick'?

The ick refers to the process in which, after becoming romantically interested in someone - whether that’s full on dating or catching their eye and thinking they’re a bit of alright - you suddenly lose interest because they do or say something that completely turns you off.

It seems there’s no end to the list of things that give people the ick, with one TikTok user, @wyszkay aiming to keep track. Some recent additions to his list which currently stands at a whopping 706 entries, include using GPS, stretching, and, uh… having fun in life.

Unexpected origins

While social media has certainly popularised the term, it seems that it actually originated on TV show Ally McBeal all the way back in the 90s.

So, we know the ick exists and there doesn’t seem to be an escape. The real question is, why?

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Clinical psychologist, cognitive behavioural therapist, and relationship expert Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, shared her expertise with Shape, explaining: "I have heard about the idea of the ick from my clients often.”

Why do we get the ick?

Cohen plainly states: “I absolutely think it’s fear.”

So, it might be a whole lot deeper than we think…

Cohen continued: “[I see this with] my clients who have had experiences of not trusting other adults, not believing that people are going to show up for them.

"Once someone starts to show up for them, be trustworthy, etc., their nervous system is so not used to it. As a result, those 'good' behaviours can feel repulsive and unattractive.”

A lack of trust may stem from our much earlier years. as Cohen added: "In order to get through not being seen, heard, held - as a child, in past relationships - you have to convince yourself that you don't need those things."

Now, this may ring true for some people, but it’s difficult to apply as a blanket explanation when sometimes the ick isn’t something emotional - it can be as simple as breathing too heavily.

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Life coach and co-founder of The Relationship Recovery, Tiffany Denny, offered her point of view on the matter: “The ick tends to be an internal feeling that you get rather than something driven externally; that being said, some people are highly influenced by society and may be more concerned with outward appearances and interpret it to others as the ick.”

Plus, it turns out that the ick doesn’t just occur while we’re figuring out whether or not we’d like to get intimate with somebody - sometimes it can even happen after we've gotten hot and heavy.

"You just can't shake the feeling"

Is there no end to this nightmare?!

Licensed psychotherapist and certified trauma specialist Susan Zinn says: “An ick feeling is instantaneous, and your intuition is signalling to you to get away as fast as possible.”

She continued: “You just can't shake the feeling of wanting to recoil if someone comes any closer to you.”

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How to know when it's something more than just the ick

Of course, it’s important to know when you’re experiencing a harmless ick or something much more serious.

Make sure to look out for potential red flags, such as an unwillingness to communicate, or a whole load of love bombing - as they’re much more serious and should be treated as such.

If you’re experiencing the ick in a relationship, you might be wondering whether you can move past it.

Neuropsychologist and director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, Sanam Hafeez, says: “It depends on whether the behaviors that irritate you are negotiable and whether they can change them.”

As for losing interest over things such as talking in a baby voice, or clapping when the plane lands…

Perhaps we all need to consider we’re sweating the small stuff just a little bit too much.

Ugh, sweat? I’ve got the ick!