Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock Images
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding, Science
Ella Scott
A body language expert has revealed the ‘one sign’ that experts believe can ‘predict divorce’ with a wild accuracy of almost 94 percent - and it’s a major flag you need to look out for.
The Office for National Statistics states that by their 10th wedding anniversary, more than one in five of marriages had ended in divorce.
And marriages really do end for a litany of reasons. Sometimes, values are compromised, and in other cases, you and your significant other have just grown apart.
Lots of couples say that arguing about issues is at the core of their problems.
Advert
Getting things off your chest is often deemed as healthy, but bottling up emotion and feeling an overwhelming amount of hatred for your husband or wife? That’s not a good thing.
Body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards, who has spent 17 years studying human behaviour, recently spoke at length about psychologist John Gottman, the founder of the Gottman Institute, who has made a serious case for how contempt can totally kill a relationship.
Speaking on The Unplanned Podcast, she began by detailing a previous experiment that Gottman conducted.
His scientific report found that criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling were the four biggest ‘red flags’ when it came to relationships.
“Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,” Van Edwards recited.
“But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.”
The expert continued, noting: “That is why at the end of a marriage, you have two people who can’t even look at each other.”
This contempt can take the shape of dramatic eye rolling, snarky comments, and little put-downs about cleaning, cooking, and other household chores.
If you are experiencing disdain towards your partner, then there are ways for you to fix your relationship before it’s too late.
“Ask, ‘What’s going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it'. Because then you’re giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,” Van Edwards continued, as per the New York Post.
She claimed that people who are romantically involved need to 'sit… and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments'.
“That way, when you’re in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say, 'This is argument No. 2 — we’re in a stalemate on this one'.”
According to Brenda Knowles, a personal relationships coach, you can also try a Gottman-approved practice called ‘positive sentiment override’.
She explained that this is ‘essentially believing your spouse has the best intentions’ when speaking to you, and to not jump to a ‘permanent label about him or her’.
“When our partner comes home and gripes about traffic, dinner and the yard and we have positive sentiment override, we chalk up their grumpiness to a bad day,” the professional wrote.
“The positive sentiment serves as a buffer keeping contempt, criticism and hurt feelings at bay.”
Long story short: banish your bad habits and chat with your spouse before it’s too late!