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Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Advice
Rhiannon Ingle
Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Advice
Breakups are hard. From divvying up friends and moving out to dividing up your things and grieving a loss of all the plans, dreams and hopes you shared with your partner - it's clear that it's no easy feat when a relationship breaks down.
But, it seems there is one pretty major warning sign you can look out for and do your best to navigate if you're wanting to fight for your love.
One person took to the Reddit thread titled 'What screams 'we are not going to last long' for couples?' and one response clearly caught the attention of the internet.
The post read: "I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counsellor there that had been working for 20-something years in couples counselling.
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"I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it.
"Without hesitating, she said, 'If one person shows contempt for the others feelings, it's over!'"
And others experts also seem to agree.
Now, sex and relationship researcher, Kristen Mark, has explained in an interview with The Knot that while expressions of contempt may look or feel different in different relationships - there are some very clear traits of a contemptuous relationship.
"Contempt is when you disregard your partner's feelings and treat them as someone who is not worthy of consideration," Mark says.
According to the expert, examples of contempt can include; mocking your partner, speaking to them with condescension, or using sarcasm for cruelty are all examples of contempt.
Body language is also involved when it comes to displaying contempt, like eye-rolling, stonewalling or simply turning away.
Over time, being treated with contempt can have a pretty serious impact on a person's self-esteem and when the feelings of contempt are left unaddressed for too long - it could end up being a 'big relationship killer'.
Mark reckons that this specific type of behaviour can be spurred on by negative thoughts about your S/O that often show up through a 'lack of respect and disregard for your partner's thoughts, feelings and even existence'.
She explained: "At its worst, it can take the form of disgust and hostility.
"It makes you want to attack a partner's sense of self and fuels conflict in a relationship."
While contempt may be a key element when it comes to the breakdown of an otherwise happy relationship, Mark assures that you may still be able to make it over any hurdles with a bit of honesty and open communication.
She suggested simply talking to your partner to 'find ways to build up a culture of appreciation in your relationship'.
"Also," Mark added, "describe your own feelings and needs to your partner and get into the habit of doing this regularly.
"That allows for you to take ownership of your own experience and share that with your partner so they can be responsive to those feelings and needs."