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Topics: Dating, Dating trends, Sex and Relationships, Advice
Ella Scott
Topics: Dating, Dating trends, Sex and Relationships, Advice
Relationship experts have revealed the key signs to look out for when dating to avoid being ‘benched’ - a subtle practice that makes ‘ghosting’ look like a walk in the park.
Due to the rapid rise of dating apps over the last decade, terms such as ‘cuffing season’, the ‘Ben stage’ and more recently the ‘777 rule’ have entered our everyday rhetoric.
Arguably the most common ‘red flag’ dating trend though is ghosting - the act of ignoring someone you’ve been speaking to and essentially vanishing from their life with no explanation.
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However, relationship experts have recently detailed a new dating trend called ‘benching’ which they claim is worse than being ghosted, if you can believe that.
Unfortunately, benching occurs when you are relegated to being someone else’s plan B person, rather than their plan A.
Despite the person you’re dating continuing to see you, text you and interact with you on social media, you will no longer be their priority.
Instead, they may pour their attention into another person or even a hobby or a career move, thus benching you.
“Benching means keeping a backup player on the sidelines, not letting them participate in the live action of one’s life, but letting them think they are a part of it because they get a better seat than those in the bleachers,” says Claudia de Llano, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
So if you’re into football, then think of it as if you’ve been dropped from the Starting XI for another player who the manager believes will excel in the position instead.
Of course, it is possible to cease being benched and to become someone’s main dating priority again.
However, in most cases, it can be quite difficult to get yourself back into the starting position.
But how do you know you’ve been benched? And is your relationship in danger of dropping off?
Well, if you’re reading this and fear you’ve become a victim of this dating trend then fret not because there are several key signs you can look out for.
If you’re texting first, planning the dates, seeking out confirmations and putting all the effort in then this could be a sure-fire sign that you’ve been benched.
Remember though that your potential flame could just be a bad communicator. But if your courtship didn’t initially start out as a one-sided affair, then you may want to look a little closer.
They say that your gut usually knows what’s wrong and what’s right and if you believe things have changed between you and your S.O. then you may just be onto something.
One day you may get reams of detailed messages from the person you are dating and other times you could receive sporadic one-word replies.
Sometimes they blow hot, other times they’re chilly with you and you never know where you stand.
If this inconsistent behaviour sounds like your relationship then it could be a clear sign that you’ve suffered a benching.
Another sign that you’ve been benched is if the person you’re dating goes from having lots of spare time to spend with you to zilch.
Suddenly those free Sunday afternoons are booked up, they’re unavailable for lunch on a Tuesday and they’re finding every excuse in the book not to see you.
You have been warned, everyone.