What clients with ‘larger penises’ bring up in therapy - according to a sexologist

You might have heard of BDE, but when it comes to inside of the therapy room, it’s not all it seems.

Big D**k Energy (BDE) has been a social media term for some time now, which talks of the link between having a big penis, and enhanced confidence.

We’ve seen this messaging online, in film and media, and in conversation in real-life. For example, there was the speculation that Pete Davidson had BDE, which enticed Kim Kardashian.

In a 2022 episode of The Kardashians, the SKIMS founder talked about Pete’s BDE during their relationship.

"I wasn't even thinking, 'Oh my God, I'm gonna be in a relationship with him'. I was just thinking like, 'Heard about this BDE, need to get out there',” she shared at the time.

But, like everyone, even people with larger penises might need therapy - and what they talk about when it comes to the bedroom might not be what you’d expect.

Dr Mindy DeSeta revealed what people talk about in therapy (Getty Stock Images)

Instead of worrying about the perks of having a bigger than average penis, they actually struggle with the societal expectation.

“Many of my clients with larger penises have shared a range of challenges, from personal discomfort to difficulties during penetrative sex with a partner,” Dr Mindy DeSeta, Ph.D., a certified sexologist and sexuality educator at Hily Dating App, told the HuffPost.

She explained that they have challenges because of their size, which could harm those they are intimate with.

She said: "Every act of intimacy carries an emotional impact, especially when a physical aspect, like their anatomy, might unintentionally cause their partner pain or discomfort.

"It’s crucial both partners approach these situations with empathy, open communication, and patience, as these experiences deeply affect each person’s feelings, pleasure, and sense of connection."

For example, penetration can be painful for their partner, with DeSeta revealing that the 'average vaginal canal is only about two to four inches in length'.

Having a big penis can cause problems (Getty Stock Images)

So, if the penis is a lot longer than this size, she said 'it can bump against the cervix, which can be uncomfortable or even painful'.

This also impacts which sex positions they can do, too.

Then, when it comes to oral sex, it can lead to a lot of choking, which triggers the gag reflex, which isn’t as pleasurable for the man as you’d think.

“My clients have shared that both penetrative sex and oral sex aren’t always as pleasurable as they’d like,” DeSeta said.

“Extra length can limit the number of comfortable positions and often means less stimulation along the entire penis, while extra girth can sometimes cause discomfort or even vaginal tearing.”

However, there are ways to help get thought this.

The expert suggests using 'lube sparingly', having open communication and just taking it slow together as you feel your way though it.