Why I’m officially tired of the internet telling women how to be 'cool'
Look, I'm all for a bit of sh*ts and gigs online, but when there's a brand-new 'core', 'aesthetic', or trend cropping up on my For You page seemingly every single week, I have to admit it gets a bit tiring.
At the moment, the internet seems to be obsessed with 'whimsymaxxing' - AKA sticking a bunch of plastic gems or rhinestones all over your face, your dog's face, your phone, your Rhode lip gloss, your Stanley cup, your face mask, your breakfast, even your flipping toilet in some bizarre cases.
I get it's a counter-trend to the trite 'clean girl' aesthetic and, yes, I guess it's a good thing that people are bringing playfulness into their daily routines, but how 'whimsy' is it really to stick a bunch of plastic all over your life?
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Dating coach Hayley Quinn, who is very clued up on all things internet lingo, exclusively explained to Tyla that 'whimsymaxxing' is the 'feminine equivalent' of trends like 'pheromone-maxxing' and 'looksmaxxing', which we’ve witnessed in the manosphere.
"It’s a performance of femininity," she added.
And don't even get me started on the 'kinda chic' thing. If you're not chronically online like me, you may not be aware of just how many things are being labelled 'kinda chic' - from staying in on a Friday night all the way to literal toast.
If that makes no sense to you, the trend sees people romanticising mundane, everyday, or unglamorous moments by labelling them stylish.
According to Hayley, 'kinda chic' has become the latest way to express a humble brag.
"It’s a way of labelling a life decision, or an inane detail about your life, as trendy, or noteworthy," Hayley outlined. "That could be anything from splitting with your boyfriend, but still wearing his t-shirt, to driving a second-hand car that colour coordinates with your handbag."
Whilst often this term is used to take a positive mindset to life’s trials, the tone can feel self-congratulatory.
Alongside 'whimsymaxxing' and the 'kinda chic' discourse, there's also a relentless discourse on the 'cool girl' aesthetic, with videos cropping up on my feeds left, right and centre on 'what the cool girls are wearing for fall', 'cool girl reading recommendations to be disgustingly well-read' and, of course, a general 'how-to' guide on achieving 'cool girl' status complete with a link in bio of all the products you can easily buy to become one!
"The 'cool girl' is a term used to describe a woman who is effortlessly gorgeous and chic," Hayley said, adding that it suggests desirability - AKA the classic: men want to date her, women want to be her.
Hayley says the 'cool girl' is the woman who casually runs a business, a packed social schedule, and still somehow seems to breeze it.
On the surface, all this sounds fine, wholesome, even. But I can't help but feel beyond exhausted by this relentless conveyor belt of copy-and-paste content and the overarching pressure to perform my own femininity online and, by extension, in real life too.
Why have these trends gained so much popularity recently?
Hayley reckons the hype around these sorts of trends is, in part, escapism.
"Even people’s 'behind the scenes' content is heavily curated," she explained.
"We want to consume media that shows a polished take on someone’s life, and also to imitate people who we admire. Vanity probably plays its part too as we post a kinda cute humble brag, and the likes and comments roll in."
She concluded by emphasising that what’s important with all these social media trends is simply to recognise they’re not real life.
"Social media can be extremely seductive when reality presents you with real-world challenges, disappointments and mundanities," Hayley urged.
"Also balance consuming and participating in social media with activities that take you off a screen. Real-world hobbies, relationships and socialising are more important than an image of you online."
Topics: Tyla Exclusive, Social Media, TikTok, Life
Rhiannon Ingle