Mum-to-be divides opinion over step-daughter's reaction to new pregnancy
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A mum-to-be has divided opinion after leaving a lengthy description of her step-daughter's reaction to her new pregnancy.
The debate kicked off today (31 January) after Mumsnet user MoppetandMittens took to the platform to get some advice from the parenting community.
She starts off by explaining she is 14 weeks pregnant, so she and her partner decided to break the news to his 11-year-old daughter.
The mum-to-be prefaced by saying that the daughter was sick over the weekend, although she had 'brightened up' by Sunday and so they carried on with their plans.
In short, their good news didn't go down too well.
"First she was incredulous and thought we were joking, then she became hysterical, crying and screaming, telling us to go away (she shut herself up in her bedroom, understandably)," she wrote.
"She hated us, he wasn’t her dad anymore, she was deleting all of her family contacts from her dad‘s side from her phone (this was an empty threat I think), she doesn’t want a brother or sister and that she wanted mummy."
The OP went on to say that the girl's birth mum drove round to pick up her daughter, and her partner and his ex exchanged a few 'cross words'.
"She was told earlier in the week and is not happy about our news either (particularly as my due date sort of coincides with us swapping houses, but that’s another story entirely)," she added.
"She was really angry at us for telling her daughter when she was sick ('that little body and heart...', her words), to which I kind of say 'oh wind your neck in'."
But this is where things get a bit dicey, as the Mumsnet user went into a long description about her stepdaughter, saying that while she's 'funny' and 'has the potential to be a great older sister', he behaviour is 'challenging at times'.
This challenging behaviour, according to her account, includes acting selfishly, negotiating with adults to get what she wants, and never hearing the word no, something she blames on 'faulty parenting', especially 'from her own mother'.
She added: "I hope as she ages she’ll mature and grow out of this kind of behaviour, and I really think that the responsibility of becoming an older sister could do wonders for her personal development and add another positive dimension to her character."
The lengthy post doesn't end there though, as the mum-to-be goes on to say that she 'understands' her stepdaughter might feel scared or unsettled, but that she's 'not losing anything' but rather 'gaining something'.
But in the next paragraph she says she's 'annoyed at her reaction', adding: "But I don’t blame her. It’s the way she’s been raised with her every whim catered to, every desire indulged, she's given a choice in everything."
And to top it all off, she describes the birth mum as 'weak' and says she 'always takes the path of least resistance so that her daughter will like her'.
There's still plenty more to this post, but you get the idea. And now, it's time to look at what the Mumsnet community has to say about it.
As said by one commenter: "She’s just being a kid OP. It’s a big change for her. Try to be understanding.
"As for blaming her behaviour on bad parenting. Please do come back in 10 years and let us know how you’re getting on with your perfect child!"
"I don't think any of you sound ready to be bringing a baby into the world," wrote another. "Best of luck though."
A third added: "And you sound unsuited to being a step parent. As if 'becoming an older sister could do wonders for her personal development and add another positive dimension to her character' is anything but a horrible thing to say."
But not everyone's against her, including this person who said: "I don't think the OP sounds horrible at all - perhaps the only thing that should have been done was to inform her mum before she was told, so she had the additional support.
"All you can do OP is keep including her in the process and hope she comes around, without forcing things onto her."
And another chimed in: "I think that’s a ridiculous spoilt tantrum from an 11 year old. She needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her. What a fuss."
There you have it - two very different perspectives on the same story. Here's hoping everyone involved can come to some sort of an agreement on the situation, as right now it sounds a bit of a mess.