Psychologist warns of dangers using ‘demure’ trend amid new Gen Z craze

Unless you've been living under a rock or somehow avoided every social media feed for a week or so - you'll know all about the 'demure' craze sweeping across the internet right now.

The 'very demure, very mindful' trend was first coined by the iconic TikToker Jools Lebron, who goes by the handle @joolieannie online, who can now finally fulfil her wish of undergoing a gender transition procedure after the trend's popularity.

Now, while the people of the internet (myself included) quite literally cannot stop quoting 'very demure, very mindful' on an hourly basis - there are apparently some aspects of it we really should be mindful of.

But, before we get into all of that, let's just remember that the whole 'demure' trend is more of a satirical joke than an actual 'how-to' guide for women to act, the 'demure' trend seems to poke fun at the influencer minefield of relentless new aesthetics and 'cores' we're all tired to death of seeing - let alone keeping up with.

So, without further ado, let's get into it.

Why are people so intrigued by the 'demure' trend?

Speaking on behalf of Spin Genie, psychologist Dr. Lalitaa Suglani tells Tyla that people are drawn to social media trends like 'demure' because these trends 'offer a sense of belonging, identity, and self-expression in a rapidly-evolving world'.

"Trends provide a script for how to present oneself, often appealing to those who seek to fit in or find their place within a particular social group," she explains.

Because of this, following such trends allows individuals to feel 'validated and accepted' especially within social media echo chambers where community reinforcement is strong.

The expert continues: "The 'demure' trend, which emphasises modesty, elegance, and subtlety, contrasts with louder, more attention-grabbing personas and aligns with the need for simplicity, humbleness and groundedness.

"It provides a way for people to align themselves with values such as elegance and restraint, which may feel aspirational or calming."

How will the 'demure' trend affect our work relationships?

Now, according to Dr. Suglani, the 'demure' trend could create a sense of 'professionalism and calmness' in the workplace, promoting more 'respectful and understated' interactions.

"People who adopt the demure style may appear more grounded, composed, and attentive, traits that could build trust and authority," she adds. "However, it might also create challenges for individuals who feel the need to suppress their opinions or self-expression to align with this more subdued persona, leading to stifled creativity or discomfort in voicing bold ideas."

How will the 'demure' trend affect our friendships?

"Friendships might evolve to be more centred on shared values like simplicity and thoughtfulness," the psychologist tells us.

The demure trend, in turn, could lead to 'deeper, more meaningful conversations'

which focus on quality over quantity in social interactions.

However, Dr. Suglani warns: "On the flip side, if friends have contrasting approaches—some embracing a demure persona and others more expressive or extroverted—it might create subtle tension or misunderstanding."

How will the 'demure' trend affect our romantic relationships?

Dr. Suglani explains that, in romantic relationships, the demure trend may be perceived as 'desirable, promoting qualities like loyalty and sensitivity'.

With that said, however, it could also contribute to 'unrealistic expectations for constant composure or restraint', which may hinder open emotional communication or vulnerability.

"A balance would be needed to ensure that adopting a demure persona doesn’t prevent partners from expressing their true feelings or desires," the expert suggests.

What are the dangers with the 'demure' trend?

The psychologist highlights two main dangers when it comes to the 'demure' trend; suppression of expression and the conformity pressure.

She explains that the 'emphasis on modesty and restraint' could lead to individuals suppressing their true feelings, needs, or opinions in order to fit into the 'demure' ideal which could contribute to 'feelings of inauthenticity'.

"Like all trends, 'demure' may pressure individuals to conform, limiting self-expression and creativity for fear of being seen as too bold or attention-seeking," Dr. Suglani adds.

"This can create internal conflict, especially for people whose personalities are more extroverted or expressive."

What are the benefits of the 'demure' trend?

With all that said, Dr. Suglani points to three main ways we can all benefit from the trend namely pointing to; self-reflection, focus on authenticity and creating a calming influence.

"The trend encourages people to create more introspective qualities, which can lead to greater self-awareness, mindfulness, and a deeper connection to their values," she explains.

The 'shift toward subtlety' may also promote 'authenticity over superficiality', encouraging individuals to be more intentional about how they present themselves rather than seeking constant validation through extravagance or this 'WOW' life they think they should be living.

It can also offer a 'sense of calm and order' in an increasingly chaotic world, helping people feel more centred and grounded in both their personal and professional lives.