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Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Advice, Dating, Dating trends
Rhiannon Ingle
Topics: Life, Sex and Relationships, Advice, Dating, Dating trends
With summer soon nearing its end, X and Mercury retrograde throwing life into complete disarray - it's clear that the last thing we all need right now are relationship problems.
The latest thing couples have been warned over are the dangerous 'frozen images' which could land you in pretty deep water with your beau without you even realising its happening.
So, to help shed some light (and give some much-need advice) on the topic, one relationship expert has come in clutch to share her pearls of wisdom when it comes the perils of 'frozen images'.
Having a 'frozen image' of your partner is something I'm sure many people are guilty of.
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It's basically creating assumptions over time that lock your S/O into a pretty negative position in your brain.
Examples include things like 'You never do the dishes', 'You never make time for me' or 'You always put your friends first' and 'You always judge me'.
Over time, such assumptions become cemented and become more fixed the longer they're in place.
Jessica Alderson, who is also the co-founder of the dating app So Syncd, explains as per Stylist: "Having a frozen image of your partner can be damaging to your relationship for several reasons.
"Assuming that they 'always' or 'never' behave in a certain way can reinforce that view in your mind, and you can start to see other interactions through this lens."
This, in turn, then 'removes the ability to see multiple perspectives'.
The expert suggests that when you voice such judgements about your partner, it can make them feel attacked.
"Words like 'always' and 'never' can feel like accusations, and people can easily become defensive, which can escalate conflicts or lead to them withdrawing from the relationship because they feel hurt that you see them in such a negative light," she adds.
Not only can frozen images lead to conflict, but they can also limit curiosity and growth in the relationship.
This is due to the fact that, when you have a fixed and unflinching idea of who your partner is, you may stop asking questions or making active efforts to understand them better.
"One of the best ways to combat this is to be mindful of your language," Jessica advises.
While avoiding absolutist terms like 'always' and 'never', the expert explains the importance of also actively listening and asking questions to better understand their perspective.
"Try to figure out why they may have acted a certain way rather than simply labelling them as controlling or irresponsible," she suggested.
"You can still let them know how their actions made you feel, but try to approach it from a perspective of understanding rather than accusation."