How the ‘bird test’ could determine whether your relationship is actually going to last or not

Could your relationship survive the 'bird test'?

Relationships sure as hell aren't as easy and harmonious as they look in the movies, and often couples can struggle with basic things like understanding each other's love language, communication, or how they respond to one another when trying to connect.

There is so much noise out there on how to have the perfect relationship, with everyone having that one thing they claim is the key to their success.

Whether it's one thing George and Amal Clooney have never done in their 10 years of marriage, keeping your relationship on the DL like Billy Ray Cyrus and Elizabeth Hurley, or really embodying 'variety is the spice of life' by having four partners like Ne-Yo, there is no wrong or right answer to longevity in a relationship.

There's also no one way to tell if you and your partner will make it through to the end.

However, one test created by psychologists Drs John and Julie Gottman sets out to test just how strong and long-lasting your relationship actually is.

Could your relationship survive the bird test? (Kinga Krzeminska / Getty)

What is the bird test?

The psychologist couple set out to see what makes a relationship last by studying thousands of couples over their decades long careers in their 'love lab.' In this so-called 'love lab', they monitored everything in their couples from heart rates, styles of conflict, facial expressions, and their communication type.

In all that, the one thing that seemed to tip the Gottman's to whether or not a couple would stay together was 'how they responded to each other's bids for connection'.

So, imagine you're sitting in your living room on a slow, sunny Sunday, curled up on the sofa with your partner reading a book, and suddenly one of you spots a pretty bird perched on a tree outside your window. One of you says, 'wow, look a bird', and now your partner has two choices: turn toward you and marvel at how pretty the bird is too, or turn away and utter a measly 'hmmm', or even worse - silence.

I know what you're thinking, 'wtf does a bird outside your window have do with how long my partner and I stay together?'

Well, I'll tell you.

How can the bird test know how long your relationship will last?

According to the Gottmans' research, the couples who, in those 'tiny moments of attention and curiosity', replied enthusiastically, were 87% more likely to be together six years from the test.

But why?

The devil is in the details. You see, in those moments - even at the most random of times - by engaging in something as insignificant as a bird on a tree, you're telling your partner, 'I see you', 'I'm here', and 'I care'. So, the opposite of that is, 'I don't see you', 'I don't care', and 'you are alone in that moment'.

See, it all makes sense when you think about it.

"Look dear, a bird." (Catherine Delahaye / Getty)

It's no wonder as to why the bird test has gone viral again, and people on TikTok can't seem to get enough of it, sharing their own experiences with their partner.

People in the comments had a lot to say about the test, with some pointing out how it's unfair for people with ADHD, with one writing: "Yeah until you meet someone with adhd lmao, just because I don't respond it doesn't mean I don't care."

Others shared their experiences with one clearly loved up individual writing: "We passed every other test so hell yeah 23 years together and married 13 we've been through it all and never given up."

So, would your relationship survive?

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