Lily Allen recalls 'feeling suicidal' during David Harbour split in rare comment about marriage breakdown
Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.
It's been a difficult year for Lily Allen - so much so, that the singer-songwriter claims it almost left her feeling she had nowhere left to turn.
Back in February, she and American actor husband David Harbour announced the end of their four-year marriage, her second, following she and builder Sam Cooper's divorce 13 years earlier.
Fans of the 'F**k You' chart-topper were devastated, with many having held onto hope that the troubled British star had finally found 'her person' in the Stranger Things actor, following a rocky decade in the limelight.
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Not only had Allen developed PTSD and post-natal depression in the years prior after enduring a stillbirth with her son, but she'd battled both drug and substance abuse since her teenage years, and struggled with food-related mental health woes for some time.
In 2020, after first meeting on the celeb dating app Raya, and spending the entire Covid-19 lockdown together, she and Harbour, 50, tied the knot in a low-key Las Vegas ceremony, joined by Allen's daughters, Marnie, 12, and Ethel, 11.
By 2023, though, relations appeared strained between the pair, resulting in Allen, 40, unfollowing the TV star on Instagram.
And just eight months ago, a source told PEOPLE Magazine of the singer: "Her marriage has been crumbling and they have split."
Though Allen opted not to discuss her personal life with the press in the months that followed, she has since opened up on the impact of her unexpected split from Harbour, describing the period as one of the most difficult in her life.
Speaking to British Vogue, the 'It's Not Fair' star claimed: "The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong."
Allen went on to admit that her devastation reached such extreme levels that she considered, at one point, taking her own life. On top of these suicidal feelings, she added, she almost broke her six-year sobriety.
"The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those [feelings] and not to use them."
In a bid to combat her despair, the mother-of-two made the decision back in January, to check herself into a trauma treatment centre. There, she spent months addressing what she has since described as her 'emotional turmoil'. To do so, she endured numerous variations of therapy, including the likes of shadow work and inner child exploration.
"I wanted to die," Allen confessed of her experience. "I’ve been into those places before against my will and I feel like that’s progress in itself.
"That’s strength. I knew that the things I was feeling were too extreme to be able to manage, and I was like, 'I need some time away.'"
The Londoner - who previously opened up about her battle with eating disorders - also revealed that these reared their ugly heads during treatment, claiming things in this arena 'got really, really, really bad' ahead of the end of her marriage.
All this said, however, and Allen maintains she's still grateful for the short time she had with Harbour.
"There were lots of good things about it," she continued. "My kids had an amazing experience living in America for five years, and I have a lot of compassion for my ex-husband. I think we all suffer."
And thankfully, the 'Smile' hit-maker ended the interview by insisting she's feeling more like her normal self again following a trying year in the spotlight.
Discussing her new album, which will focus on the low points of her latest marriage, Allen added: "There are things that are on the record that I experienced within my marriage, but that’s not to say that it’s all gospel. It is inspired by what went on in the relationship."
She continued, though: "Really not in the same space that I was when I wrote [these] songs. I have come a long way. I feel OK, actually."
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123.
Topics: Celebrity, Lily Allen, Mental Health, Stranger Things, UK News, US News
Rhianna Benson