Trigger warning - this article mentions suicide
The Great British Bake Off star Laura Adlington has chosen not to start a family with her husband Matt after doctors said she would need to lose 14 stone.
Laura, 32, described the decision as 'the hardest thing I've ever gone through', explaining that she struggled with her mental health over the infertility battle.
Speaking to Fabulous Magazine, Laura - who appeared on the 2020 series of the baking show - said: “Unless you've gone through infertility and that heartache of really wanting it and it not happening… It’s the hardest thing I've ever gone through.
“I've never thought, ‘I want to take my own life’, but I definitely have had thoughts that I didn't want to be here any more. And I have phoned Samaritans on a few occasions and really benefitted from it."
Laura explained she would need to lose 14 stone for the IVF process, which she struggled with.
“I did really try to lose weight and I considered bariatric surgery [but] I realised it wasn’t for me.
"It was difficult — people say we obviously didn’t want it enough because I would have lost the weight to have the IVF. But it was such a lot to lose — about 14st and I just struggled to do that.
“I wonder if that will always play on my mind, particularly as I get older."
Laura had opened up on her struggle on social media earlier this year, taking to her stories to discuss her sadness at not being able to start a family as she had hoped.
“I did feel a little bit sad today seeing people I went to school with picking up their kids from the same school as my niece, thinking that could have/should have been me. But I'm trying not to dwell on it," she wrote.
The former contestant also talked about feeling suicidal after she appeared on the show, where she was cruelly attacked by online trolls over her weight.
Speaking about the abuse, Laura explained how it became particularly unbearable on the week of the final.
"When it was all really kicking off was on the week of the final. People were just being awful and it was really personal stuff as well," she explained to Em Clarkson and Alex Light on the Should I Delete That? podcast.
"It was personal stuff like infertility and other personal things. People were saying things like 'It was no wonder you can't have a baby'.
"It just got really bad. I remember thinking, not I want to kill myself, but I remember crying in bed and being like, this would just be so much easier if I was not here, if I did not exist. That was a really low point for me."
If you are struggling, you can find help, support and advice at Mind and Samaritans.