‘Kissing debt’ explained as experts warn it could be affecting your relationship

It’s no secret that dating in 2026 comes with a slew of different challenges.

From ‘seagulling’ to ‘gluing,’ it feels like there’s a never-ending list of buzzwords, trends, and red flags that Gen Z needs to be wary of, not to mention those that come up when you actually get into a relationship.

One of those is the feeling of ‘kissing debt,’ which can happen when a couple is struggling with ‘touch starvation’.

As explained by Very Well Mind, touch starvation occurs ‘when you don't receive enough physical contact, which can lead to stress and emotional discomfort’.

Psychologist and clinical sexologist Dr Massimo Fontana explained to Tyla that ‘distress builds when a person gets less and less positive physical contact over an extended period of time’.

“This, in essence, is being in a relationship with no physical touch from the other person. Unless you have a sensory issue, physical touch is a basic human need. It is one of those actions that can truly allow us to feel safe not only in our bodies but also in the environment that we are living in,” he added.

'Kissing debt' is the latest relationship issue to sweep Gen Z (Getty Stock Image)

“The physical touch extends itself to tactile affection which we need to feel, not touch that is performative. We need hugs, hand-holding, kisses, and casual contact that informs our nervous system that we are being seen and desired by our partner.”

Sex and Relationships Educator Bryony Lees likened the phenomenon to couples ‘essentially becoming roommates’.

She explained: “The playful touching, cuddling, and spending time together will be lacking. There are many factors that can cause touch starvation. Such as feeling overwhelmed and stressed, having a child or new pet, feeling unwell, or being tired. However, it can make the other person feel like there is something wrong.

“Many couples will go through this transition at some point. It’s perfectly normal; any change in routine can affect how you act around people. However, it’s important how couples navigate this change.”

It can cause unwanted tension in relationships and lead to other issues (Getty Stock Image)

She added: “A lack of affection can raise alarm bells in a relationship. If someone in a relationship feels the other is being less affectionate, they may feel something is wrong, or they might be feeling a certain type of way.

“It can damage self-esteem, cause deeper issues if couples don’t speak about it straight away, and in the worst case, can lead to a break-up.”

What is kissing debt?

If you realise that, unfortunately, your relationship is suffering from touch starvation, this could result in a feeling of ‘kissing debt’.

Lees told Tyla: “If one partner has been less affectionate than usual, they may feel they ‘owe’ the other bundles of affection.

“Pressure in a relationship can make them feel they HAVE to give affection to the other, even if they aren’t feeling up for it, which is never okay.”

She warned: “If the other partner is giving them a particularly hard time for being less affectionate, this may build on that pressure and make them feel even worse.”

However, no one should feel like they have to give affection if they aren't feeling up for it (Getty Stock Image)

How to navigate touch starvation and kissing debt

Lees’ first piece of advice is to ‘try not to accuse or attack the other person,’ and although it may be difficult not to take it personally, ‘don’t assume that they are lacking physical touch because of something you have done’.

She advises: “Start by establishing why this might be. Ask them if there’s anything going on outside of the relationship that might be making them feel different.

“If they are feeling stressed, find out where you can help. For example, take a higher share of chores for now. Seek childcare if a child is the reason that touch is lacking. Make time for each other.”

Secondly, communication is key, and if something in your life is ‘making you want time alone, or you aren’t feeling like being particularly affectionate because of an outside factor, just let them know’.

The ‘not knowing’ is usually what leads to arguments and feelings of uncertainty.

Finally, the expert says you should ‘discuss compromises and find out how you can work with your partner rather than blaming them, making the starvation worse’.

She urged: “Help them feel like they don’t ‘owe’ you affection, and let them know that they can come to you in their own time and communicate throughout.”