Your dating pattern isn’t wrong - you might just be fraysexual

Have you ever felt confused by your own dating pattern or misunderstood by others? There could be an explanation linked to fraysexuality.

Sexuality is widely understood to be a spectrum, existing across different attractions, desires and behaviours.

Some people may feel a strong sexual desire for people they don’t know. But as soon as this connection starts to develop into a romantic relationship, they start to lose sexual desire for that person.

Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve already noticed this pattern but didn’t know that there’s a label for it. You might even think there’s something ‘wrong with you’, or you’ve been described as having an ‘avoidant attachment style’.

Sexuality is widely understood to exist on a spectrum (Getty Stock Image)

If any of this sounds familiar, you might just be fraysexual.

In society, films, books, and even stories of how real-life couples meet, we expect sexual and romantic attraction to follow a very similar pattern. People meet, attraction grows, emotional feels deepen and sexual desire grows stronger.

However humans don’t always follow this pattern.

What is fraysexuality?

This label describes when someone usually experiences sexual desire for people they don’t know very well. Basically a stranger whom they don’t know much about, rather than someone they’ve developed deep emotional feelings for.

But as emotional intimacy grows stronger, perhaps from spending more time together or establishing a sexual relationship, a fraysexual person’s sexual desire for the other person begins to cool down.

Fraysexuality is often thought to be the opposite of demisexuality, Psychology Today reports. This is when sexual desire only forms once an emotional connection has been formed. Both sexualities are in the asexuality spectrum.

Fraysexuality is misunderstood (Getty Stock Image)

But it’s fair to say that demisexuality has been discussed in pop culture a lot more compared with fraysexuality. It is not a fear of commitment or a preference for hook ups, but rather a pattern of sexual desire.

Fraysexuality describes when someone feels intense sexual desire after first meeting someone which may be due to the excitement of meeting someone new. And while sexual desire may burn out once an emotional connection is formed, that doesn’t mean they also lose romantic feelings for the other person.

Just like other sexualities, fraysexuality exists on a spectrum and people may experience it differently. Fraysexuals are able to have long-term romantic relationships and form meaningful romantic connections, but these bonds may not always involve sex.

Sexual desire and romantic connections are a lot more complex and varied than you may think.