Mormon put on 'trial' by church reveals how being excommunicated could ‘separate him from his wife for eternity’
Nemo the Mormon has reflected on being excommunicated from the church he was raised in - and the impact he fears it could have on his family.
Douglas Stilgoe, better known online as Nemo the Mormon, is a third-generation member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who built a following online for fact-checking some of the church's teachings and leaders.
He first appeared on LADbible's Honesty Box in August 2024, discussing some of the reasons he had become increasingly critical of the church.
His concerns included the organisation's finances, treatment of LGBTQ+ people, safeguarding and its handling of allegations of sexual abuse, as well as the alleged conduct of senior church leaders.
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Nemo continued attending the church and had publicly positioned himself as an internal critic, arguing that members should be able to question the institution they belonged to.
Off the back of his appearance on Honesty Box, Nemo later featured in a BBC interview. But just four days after that interview went out, Nemo says he received a letter from the church accusing him of 'clear and deliberate public opposition' to the church, its doctrine and its leaders.
He was also accused of intentionally attempting to 'weaken the faith and activity' of church members and of conduct that could constitute apostasy.
Nemo was summoned to a membership council in September 2024. And despite an over 8,000-word defence he drafted up, his membership was ultimately withdrawn - commonly referred to as excommunication - and his appeal was unsuccessful.
Now, in LADbible's first full-length documentary, Nemo the Mormon: Faith on Trial, Nemo is reflecting on what it's meant to lose his place in the religion that shaped his childhood, marriage and identity.
'I wouldn't be with my wife in heaven'
Before his excommunication, Nemo spoke about what he believed could be at stake if his membership was withdrawn.
"I could be excommunicated from the church, which means that my membership would be withdrawn and I wouldn't be with my wife in heaven," he explained. "I would be separated from my family for eternity as well, so I would be cast off for apostasy."
Nemo and his wife were married in a Mormon temple in a ceremony known as a temple sealing, which is intended within Latter-day Saint belief to unite spouses and families eternally.
That meant the prospect of excommunication carried consequences that went far beyond no longer being able to participate in church life.
'I think something about LADbible or the BBC was the final straw'
Looking back, Nemo believes his growing public profile may have contributed to the timing of the church's decision.
"I think something about LADbible or the BBC was the final straw for them," he confessed in the doc. "And then a letter turns up. Four days after the BBC interview went out, I got a letter from the church."
The church, however, said Nemo was not removed simply for criticising it.
Its letter stated that the decision was not taken because he had 'voiced concerns about the actions of the Church or disagree[d] with its leaders'. Instead, it said his membership was withdrawn because of his 'persistent efforts to persuade others to your point of view in opposition to the Church and its leaders'.
The church concluded that it was not possible to remain a member in good standing while 'actively seeking to lead others away from it' - a characterisation that Nemo disputes.
From finances to allegations of abuse and safeguarding
Nemo's criticism of the church had been building for years.
His work subsequently covered the church's finances and leadership, LGBTQ+ issues, safeguarding and the handling of allegations of abuse.
During Honesty Box, he also discussed the church's history of controversial treatment of LGBTQ+ people.
One example he raised was the use of electroshock techniques at Brigham Young University during the 1970s and 1980s in attempts to alter people's sexuality - a historical practice that is not a current Mormon tradition.
His wider campaigning around safeguarding is another part of his work that he says he is particularly proud of. In 2023, he successfully campaigned for compulsory DBS background checks for UK members of the LDS church working with children following disturbing allegations of sexual abuse.
'I was put on trial for speaking truth to power'
Following the withdrawal of his membership, Nemo said he viewed the process very differently from the church.
"In reality, I was put on trial for speaking truth to power, for trying to call corrupt leaders to account and seeking clarity on important issues," he explained.
"Robust, honest criticism of our own institutions is not only healthy, but necessary to ensure the survival of our church," he added.
For Nemo, that criticism is also connected to the values he says he learned growing up Mormon.
"The community of the Mormon church has raised me, nurtured me and instilled in me the integrity that causes me to stand up now in the face of immoral behaviour by its leaders."
'Mormonism is lost to me'
Despite losing his membership, Nemo says Mormonism remains an important part of who he is.
He may never stop considering himself Mormon because of how deeply the religion is tied to his upbringing and identity, but he also accepts that his relationship with the faith has fundamentally changed.
"Mormonism is lost to me," he admitted.
While excommunication meant losing the community he'd spent his life within, Nemo says it has also given him an opportunity to discover who he is.
"Maybe that's one of the gifts of excommunication that I've been given an opportunity to examine who I am without the church," he concluded. "And I like what I found."
LADbible Group has approached the LDS Church for comment and a response is due by 9am today
Nemo the Mormon: Faith on Trial airs on LADbible Stories YouTube at 4pm on 30 September.
Rhianna Benson