Trauma expert reveals what ‘stonewalling’ is and how narcissists use it to control you

It's estimated around one in 20 people in the UK alone have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but the number of undiagnosed cases could be a lot higher, according to the BBC.

So, it makes sense why so many people are so fascinated with what the condition actually looks like and how it may manifest in a relationship.

Now, we already know all about 'gaslighting', 'narcissistic hoovering' and three things narcissists all have in common - but what on earth is 'stonewalling' and how do narcissists use it to control you?

What is 'stonewalling'? (Getty Stock Images)

Taking to Instagram, Betrayal Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist, Jenna Lea, who goes by the handle @jennalea_coaching on social media, shared a series of explainers about why 'stonewalling' is so much 'more than just the silent treatment'.

Jenna defined stonewalling as: "When someone refuses to communicate or engage in a conversation."

According to the expert, narcissists employ this tactic to make their victim feel 'ignored, isolated, and powerless'.

Explaining the term some more Jenna continued: "The narcissist may stop talking to you entirely, using silence as a punishment.

"This is their way of asserting control, leaving you desperate for their attention and approval."

This is a clear-cut case of 'emotional manipulation' too, with Jenna noting: "By refusing to acknowledge your feelings or concerns, the narcissist is attempting to invalidate your emotions.

"This leaves you questioning your own sanity, making you feel like the problem is always you."

Betrayal Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist, Jenna Lea, explained that 'stonewalling' leaves you 'questioning your own sanity' (Instagram/@jennalea_coaching)

Alongside the emotional manipulation, stonewalling also creates a debilitating sense of 'insecurity and anxiety'.

Jenna warns: "You might start to blame yourself, wondering what you did wrong and how to fix it, which only deepens the narcissist's control over you."

Over time, the narcissist is then able to break down your self-esteem which leads to feelings of unworthiness and insignificance - two things which 'makes it easier for the narcissist to maintain control'.

Jenna carries on: "The narcissist might withhold love, affection, or even basic communication as a form of punishment.

"This reinforces the idea that you must earn their approval, keeping you trapped in the cycle of abuse."

So, what does the expert recommend if you have been stonewalled?

Well, according to Jenna, it's all about 'reclaiming your power' through recognising the behaviour for what it is - a 'toxic control tactic'.

"You have the power to set boundaries, demand respect, and seek support," Jenna concludes.

"Don't let their silence define your worth."

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