Trauma therapist reveals major signs you have childhood trauma

The tricky thing about being traumatised is it can be difficult to ascertain whether or not you have experienced trauma, or to weigh up the effects of it.

Discovering this can be a lengthy process, though luckily in the age of social media, we have expert advice at the click of a button.

While it's always the best idea to speak to a medical professional one on one, the word of an expert can help push you in the right direction.

Nicola Euesden, a psychotherapist who first qualified in 1999, has drawn attention to 13 signs that you may be struggling with childhood trauma on her Instagram page, @turningpointcounsellingservice.

Apologising too much

Euesden, who is a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), writes: "A lot of times, that comes from growing up in environments where you had to tiptoe around people's emotions, so you'd rather take the blame preemptively than deal with conflict."

Struggling to accept compliments

The therapist uses the examples of 'oh, this old thing? I just threw it on,' and 'it wasn't that great; anyone could have done it.' to suggest that when you were growing up, you didn't feel 'seen or validated', adding: "It can be hard to believe that praise is genuine or even that you deserve it.

"So, downplaying yourself becomes second nature."

Not asking for help

"You'll carry five grocery bags in each hand and struggle all the way the stairs rather than ask someone to give you a hand," Euesden says.

"This usually stems from feeling like a burden or not wanting to "owe" anyone anything—a mentality that's often survival-based."

Explaining yourself too much

Euesden advises: "Sending a text explaining every reason why you can't make it to something? Or find yourself giving five back-to-back justifications for something small?

"It's as if you're trying to prove that your reasons are "valid" enough, which can come from feeling like your needs weren't enough on their own."

Being hyper independent

"This can look like never letting anyone get close or needing to do everything yourself," Euesden says. "When you've been let down or disappointed, especially at a young age, independence becomes a shield. It's almost like thinking, “If I can't rely on anyone, I won't get hurt.”

Overthinking

This can look like 'replaying conversations in your head 'replaying conversations in your head, analysing every word, worrying if someone's mad at you'.

The psychotherapist says: "It can feel like you're trying to anticipate rejection or abandonment, which often links back to feeling insecure in early relationships."

Being a people pleaser

If you are 'going out of your way to make others happy, even if it's inconvenient', then it could be a sign of people pleasing.

Euesden that this desire 'can sometimes be a result of trying to keep the peace'.

"It's like you're wired to think if everyone else is happy, maybe you'll feel safe too." she said.

Not being able to relax

Even when you are supposed to be taking some time for yourself, it might feel hard to do so, as Euesden says: "Trying to sit back and chill, only to feel anxious or like you're wasting time?

" If you grew up in an environment that expected constant productivity or where you had to "earn" downtime, resting can actually feel uncomfortable."

Having difficulty setting boundaries

"Whether it's saying no, protecting your time, or even just asking for space, boundaries can feel foreign," the expert says. "If saying no used to come with consequences or backlash, it can feel like saying yes is the safer option, even at your own expense."

Dismissing your feelings

"You might catch yourself saying, 'It's not that big of a deal' or 'I'm just overreacting,' Euesden says. "Minimising your emotions can come from a childhood where your feelings weren't validated, so you learned to brush them aside."

Worrying about being 'too much' or 'not being enough'

Whether that be something as small as putting away shopping or asking for help at work, you might prefer to go it alone and 'not to ask for "too much" support or feel like you have to earn people's love or approval'.

According to Euesdenm, this could be due to 'feeling like your worth depended on being useful or easygoing'.

Having a fear of abandonment

Because of this, this could led to a crippling fear of abandonment by those you care about, as Euesden advises: "It's the lingering worry that people will leave or stop caring about you, even if things seem fine. This can lead you to overanalyse or feel anxious, as if you're waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Overworking in an effort to prove yourself

Finally, the therapist says: "Throwing yourself into work or projects to feel 'worthy' can be a way to counter feelings of inadequacy."

She concludes: "Sometimes, when love and praise were conditional, you learn that your value is tied to how much you can achieve."

Many in the comments expressed how much they related to these signs, as one person wrote: "Every single one is ME."

Meanwhile, another said: "I see myself in these but I’ve learned to accept myself for these qualities."