Featured Image Credit: PA REAL LIFE
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding, Health, Women's Health
Mia Williams
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding, Health, Women's Health
A woman who waited until her wedding day to have sex went on to spend her entire 12-year marriage without it, following a heartbreaking diagnosis.
It is obviously heartbreaking to wait years until your wedding night to have sex for the first time with your new spouse, only for medical issues to get in the way.
Kendra Blair was raised in a Christian household, which prompted her to save 'doing the deed' for her wedding day - like many Christians around the world.
She noted that 'sex wasn’t something anyone in my family ever spoke about', given their religious beliefs.
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But her wedding day arrived sooner than she thought, and at just 19 years old, Kendra married her then-husband.
The newlyweds attempted to have sex for the first time on their wedding night as tradition goes, but when they tried to do the deed, it didn't go quite as planned.
Kendra said: "I thought I was just nervous, because I didn’t know what to expect.
"But when I tried to have sex, it felt like there was a bone there that my husband couldn’t get through."
Speaking about the months following her wedding, she added: "My husband and I had endured months of frustration and I knew there was something else wrong, but everyone just kept telling me to relax."
Upon confiding in her then-husband’s stepmother, she went to see a gynaecologist about the problem.
But when the doctor tried to examine Kendra, it triggered the same reaction as when she attempted to have intercourse.
She said: "My automatic reaction was to hyperventilate, close my legs, squirm to get away and push the doctor away saying, ‘Don’t touch me'."
"She had no idea what the problem was, but I saw her smirk and, whether I was right or not, it felt like she was making fun of me."
It was five years following this experience that she plucked up the courage to see another doctor about her struggles.
Kendra noted: "It affected our relationship badly and we ended up splitting up after 12 years.
"My ex started getting bitter and resentful towards me because of it. Unsurprisingly, he was very frustrated and questioned whether I was holding out on purpose."
The second doctor she saw was able to diagnose her with vaginismus, a condition which causes involuntary muscle spasms in the pelvic floor, making vaginal penetration painful or impossible.
"I felt some relief when she told me what I had, as it proved I wasn’t crazy," she said.
The doctor requested that she try dilators to help ease her symptoms, but it wasn't working for Kendra.
Suffering with the psychological affects as well as the physical, the 39-year-old added: "There were days when I even thought about dying.
"I’d even tell my husband to go and have sex or kids with someone else. I didn’t want that, but I just felt so frustrated.
"I felt like I wasn’t a real woman."
Her marriage eventually ended in 2012, and has since tried physical therapy to help relieve her symptoms, which has proven to be somewhat successful.
Since this, she has been able to experience penetrative sex with another ex partner twice, and feels hopeful about the future.
Kendra told Tyla: "I’m doing the work. Breathwork, safe-touch massage, reclaiming safety within my body: these are the tools I’m using to reconnect with myself.
"What I’ve noticed is simple but powerful: I have zero desire to engage sexually when I don’t feel emotionally safe. And I believe this is true for many women, whether they struggle with vaginismus or not.
"Vaginismus is not just a 'down there' issue. It’s a whole self issue.
"I want to help break the silence around this. Not to blame, but to understand. To give other women permission to speak up, slow down, and heal on their own terms."