Featured Image Credit: Mel Robbins / TikTok
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating, Dating trends, Life, Real Life, True Life
Rhianna Benson
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Dating, Dating trends, Life, Real Life, True Life
Ever felt as though you're investing more into a relationship than you're getting back?
And no matter how many times you implore the other person to make time for you, prioritise you or even put slightly more effort into your relationship, things are still feeling uneven?
Well, podcaster and relationship expert Mel Robbins says she endured the same heartache for several years, and has since come up with a solution to this level of dissatisfaction - the 'Let them' theory.
For those who haven't yet come across Robbins on the likes of TikTok or Instagram - upon which she's recently gone viral for her groundbreaking approach to romance - the 56-year-old is a former lawyer and podcaster.
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The US star is also recognised worldwide for her motivational talks, and the handful of self-help books on her roster.
More recently, however, Robbins has been focusing her attention on the 'Let them' theory, with videos on this concept having been viewed over 20 million times so far - as per Women's Health.
Coined by the romance expert, this theory simply encourages people to allow others to do, say and behave as they please.
It was formed upon the premise that, ultimately, you can't change or control how another person behaves - no matter how hard you might beg or plead with them to put you first, or show their affection for you in a certain way.
As Robbins argues, however, you can control how you respond to these behaviours.
If the way that other people think of and act around you is something you value to the extreme degree that you feel things like anxiety, neglect or worry, you might want to try turning a blind eye to it.
Robbins says she did this, and has since endured a mental clarity like nothing she's experienced before.
"When you 'Let Them' do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life," she recently told press.
This doesn't have to just be in romantic scenarios.
In a TikTok that Robbins recently shared, she explains: "The next time you feel left out - your friends all go out to brunch together and they don't invite you - let them.
"Or maybe the person you're dating doesn't want a commitment - let them. Or perhaps your spouse does not want to do that 5k with you - let them.
"Your company is laying people off - let them."
In the video, Robbins points out that some of us are guilty of spending 'so much time and energy trying to control other people' that we can become 'emotionally worked up' when things don't go our way.
"You can tap into peace and true control if you let them be themselves," she continues. "And here's the other thing.
"If you let them, people will then reveal who they truly are. And when they reveal who they truly to you, you now know what you can choose next that's right for you.
"So, let them."
Apparently so.
Maybelle Morgan, a reporter for Refinery29 revealed she recently gave the theory a whirl, and it resulted in her calling time on a romance with someone she was dating.
"He was smart, fun and sexy, things were going well," she recently wrote. "Except for the fact I harboured some reservations around whether he had the level of warmth, generosity or kindness I knew I valued in a partner.
"Then I had a health scare. As friends clamored around me — as people that love you tend to do — relentlessly pestering me to find out when my doctors appointments, hospital scans and test results were, I noticed he appeared not to care."
After expressing her feelings, she claims her date insisted he'd been busy and her health had slipped from his concerns.
"I thought about bringing it up again, but stopped myself," Morgan continued. "I already knew he wasn’t right for me. He was who he was and I didn’t want to try and make him care about something he clearly didn’t care about.
"It did however reaffirm that I had wonderful people in my life and they were the blueprint of the level of consideration and kindness that I expected from a future partner."
Anyone else feeling inspired to give this a go?