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Why We All Need To Take A Look In The Mirror In The Wake Of Caroline Flack’s Death

The Tyla Team

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Why We All Need To Take A Look In The Mirror In The Wake Of Caroline Flack’s Death

Featured Image Credit: PA

Words by Deb Lancaster

Who failed Caroline Flack? Finger-pointing has reached fever pitch following the star's tragic death over the weekend.

Some have blamed her employer, ITV, or the criminal justice system. Others have claimed Caroline killed herself because of media pressure, the tabloids, the court system, her boyfriend, her background, alcohol, her inability to "keep a man", her chequered love life, her mental health... the list goes on.

Deb explains why we should all be looking in the mirror following Caroline's death (Credit: Deb Lancaster)
Deb explains why we should all be looking in the mirror following Caroline's death (Credit: Deb Lancaster)
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While we may never know what ultimately pushed Caroline over the edge, there's one big elephant in the room that no one is addressing - and that's the part we all had to play in her downfall.

When Twitter started back in 2006, it was just another platform for us to voice our opinions and, let's face it, enjoy the sound of our own (virtual) voice.

Today, it's a dank mirror held up to a society with something rotten at its heart. We have political leaders taunting people, endless bitchiness, cruelty and shame.

Our exposure to incessant 24/7 online bullying penetrates our collective psyches until it seems normal, and totally acceptable, to take part in the conversation.

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And while I want to believe that *most* people are nice in real life, social media seems to bring out the worst in us all.

Caroline in November last year (Credit: PA)
Caroline in November last year (Credit: PA)

I haven't followed Caroline's career, but I've seen enough tweets, memes and comments to know what the general consensus is: she was a drinker, a partier, a bad girlfriend, who went out with Harry Styles and was arrested for domestic violence. She was also beautiful, successful and rich. And now she's dead.

We can only speculate as to why she made the ultimate decision to take her own life, but those close to Caroline say she was painfully aware of what people said about her.

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So instead of blaming her boyfriend, the CPS, or mental health services, isn't it only right that we look at ourselves?

Caroline in 2018, after 'Love Island' won a BAFTA (Credit: PA)
Caroline in 2018, after 'Love Island' won a BAFTA (Credit: PA)

I think I'm a nice enough person. I have friends and a dog. I give money to charity and volunteer for the community.

So why did I do this?

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Last year, I saw Love Island narrator and comedian Iain Stirling on TV for the first time. I don't like him much, I thought.

And then I wrote a sarcastic tweet about how I didn't like Iain and tagged him. I forgot about it immediately. Until he replied.

He wasn't nasty back. I couldn't tell you exactly what he said because I was so instantly ashamed of myself, I deleted my tweet (and his) and blocked him.

I don't know why I wrote to someone that I don't know to tell them I don't like them based on a single TV appearance. Why would I do that? Why did I do that?

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Why did I write to someone I didn't know to tell them I didn't like them? (Credit: PA)
Why did I write to someone I didn't know to tell them I didn't like them? (Credit: PA)

His response made me feel ashamed of myself. Not because of what he said. But because I was a grown woman who took time out of my day to insult someone on social media.

What did that say about me and the online culture I'm a part of?

I don't know if a random snarky tweet from a nobody would get to Iain Stirling or not. But I tweeted it anyway.

What it represented was one tiny comment lost in a billion tweets, Facebook comments, blogs, WhatsApp messages and Snaps; a tiny seed of thoughtless nastiness and something I didn't even really mean.

But if one seed of vitriol is joined by another and another, it becomes part of a poisonous whole.

Caroline at last year's BRIT Awards (Credit: PA)
Caroline at last year's BRIT Awards (Credit: PA)

I'm not talking about outright trolls firing off virtual abuse and threats from behind a keyboard. I'm talking about normal people. Nice people. People like me and people like you.

I'd have forgotten that I was low-key nasty to a comedian on Twitter, had he not replied. A sharp reminder that famous faces are, indeed, real people, with real feelings and real emotions.

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Maybe if we all stopped responding, retweeting, and ultimately contributing to the obvious harassment of celebrities like Caroline Flack, they'd have more room to breathe.

And taking responsibility for our own behaviour is the first step in making the world a less horrible place. Social media isn't going away.

And failing a mass exodus from Twitter, which clearly isn't going to happen, perhaps we need to start policing ourselves.

Topics: Life News, News, Caroline Flack

The Tyla Team
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